List of Video on Trial episodes
This is an episode guide for the MuchMusic TV series Video on Trial, containing an episode list as well as a list of verdicts.
Episodes
This list is arranged in the order in which the episodes were broadcast, and does not include spin-off "specials" (such as Stars on Trial.)
Season 1: 2005-2006
Title |
Jurors |
Artists |
Original airdate |
Ep. # |
|---|---|---|---|---|
Episode 1.1 |
Ron Josol, Nikki Payne, |
Eminem, Britney Spears, Jay-Z, Weezer, & Gwen Stefani |
August 15, 2005 |
1 |
The jurors tear through the following videos: [...] Like That, Do Somethin', 99 Problems, Beverly Hills, and Hollaback Girl. |
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Episode 1.2 |
August 22, 2005 |
2 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 1.3 |
August 29, 2005 |
3 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 1.4 |
September 5, 2005 |
4 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 1.5 |
September 12, 2005 |
5 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 1.6 |
September 26, 2005 |
6 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 1.7 |
October 2, 2005 |
7 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 1.8 |
October 9, 2005 |
8 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 1.9 |
October 16, 2005 |
9 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 1.10 |
October 30, 2005 |
10 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 1.11 |
November 6, 2005 |
11 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 1.12 |
November 13, 2005 |
12 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 1.13 |
November 20, 2005 |
13 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 1.14 |
November 27, 2005 |
14 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 1.15 |
December 4, 2005 |
15 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 1.16 |
December 25 (1), 2005 |
16 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 1.17 |
December 25 (2), 2005 |
17 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 1.18 |
January 15, 2006 |
18 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 1.19 |
January 22, 2006 |
19 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 1.20 |
January 29, 2006 |
20 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 1.21 |
February 5, 2006 |
21 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 1.22 |
February 19, 2006 |
22 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 1.23 |
February 26, 2006 |
23 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 1.24 |
March 5, 2006 |
24 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 1.25 |
March 12, 2006 |
25 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 1.26 |
March 27, 2006 |
26 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 1.27 |
April 10, 2006 |
27 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 1.28 |
April 24, 2006 |
28 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 1.29 |
April 30, 2006 |
29 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 1.30 |
May 7, 2006 |
30 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 1.31 |
May 21, 2006 |
31 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 1.32 |
June 25, 2006 |
32 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 1.33 |
July 2, 2006 |
33 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 1.34 |
July 9, 2006 |
34 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 1.35 |
July 16, 2006 |
35 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 1.36 |
July 23, 2006 |
36 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 1.37 |
August 6, 2006 |
37 |
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Episode description. |
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Season 2: 2006-2007
Image |
Title |
Jurors |
Artists |
Original airdate |
Ep. # |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
Episode 2.1 |
August 27, 2006 |
38 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 2.2 |
September 3, 2006 |
39 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 2.3 |
September 10, 2006 |
40 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 2.4 |
September 17, 2006 |
41 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 2.5 |
September 24, 2006 |
42 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 2.6 |
October 15, 2006 |
43 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 2.7 |
October 22, 2006 |
44 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 2.8 |
Weird Al Yankovic |
October 29, 2006 |
45 |
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Synopsis: Season 2 - Episode 8
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Episode 2.9 |
November 5, 2006 |
46 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 2.10 |
November 12, 2006 |
47 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 2.11 |
November 26, 2006 |
48 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 2.12 |
December 17, 2006 |
49 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 2.13 |
December 24 (1), 2006 |
50 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 2.14 |
December 24 (2), 2006 |
51 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 2.15 |
December 31, 2006 |
52 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 2.16 |
January 21, 2007 |
53 |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 2.17 |
, 2007 |
# |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 2.18 |
, 2007 |
# |
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Episode description. |
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Episode 2.19 |
, 2007 |
# |
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Episode description. |
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Verdicts
The verdicts are only of a humorous nature and are not to be taken seriously. They are arranged alphabetically, by the artist's last name or known name, or the band/group's name.
Accused |
Video |
Verdict |
|---|---|---|
+44 |
When Your Heart Stops Beating |
Sentenced to continue being bound and gagged by one cord. |
2Pac feat. Dr. Dre |
California Love |
Sentenced to stop releasing albums because ghosts can't rap. |
30 Seconds To Mars |
From Yesterday |
Sentenced to 30 years on Mars, without instruments. |
30 Seconds To Mars |
The Kill |
Sentenced to watch every episode of "Full House" and wonder which Olsen twin is being used in each scene featuring Michelle Tanner. |
50 Cent |
21 Questions |
??? |
50 Cent |
Candy Shop |
Sentenced to "fiddy" whips by a video chicken. (Verdict #1) Sentenced to stop letting his penis direct his music videos. (Verdict #2) |
50 Cent |
I Get Money |
Sentenced to get a G.E.D. |
50 Cent feat. Snoop Dogg |
P. I. M. P. |
Sentenced to notify Snoop that he's less of a P. I. M. P. and more of a W. I. M. P. |
50 Cent |
Window Shopper |
??? |
98 Degrees |
This Gift |
Sentenced to stop making videos that are as predictable as a wrapped-up Toblerone. |
Paula Abdul |
Cold Hearted Snake |
Sentenced to stop requesting a transfer to "Colombian Idol". |
AFI |
Girl's Not Grey |
Sentenced to reveal that A. F. I. stands for "Audio For Idiots". |
AFI |
Miss [...] |
Sentenced to stop giving their hand-me-downs to Jared Leto. |
Afroman |
Because I Got High |
??? |
Christina Aguilera |
Ain't No Other Man |
Sentenced to let archaeologists "dig for face" beneath her thousands of layers of pancake make-up. |
Christina Aguilera |
Can't Hold Us Down |
Sentenced to notify the local water filtration plant whenever she showers. |
Christina Aguilera |
Candyman |
Sentenced to realize that there's a difference between going down with the ship and going down on the ship. |
Christina Aguilera |
Dirrty |
Sentenced to take a warm bath in a hot vat of Purel. |
Christina Aguilera |
Fighter |
Sentenced to save her career through re-skankification. |
Christina Aguilera |
Hurt |
Sentenced to bring her skanky back. |
Christina Aguilera, Mya, Lil' Kim, & P!nk |
Lady Marmalade |
Sentenced to Appear in the spin-off "Poor Use of Lingerie On Trial". |
a-ha |
Take On Me |
Sentenced to hire a sketch artist to draw themselves a new career. |
Akon |
Don't Matter |
Sentenced to change his name to either Con or Ex-Con. |
Akon feat. Eminem |
Smack That |
Sentenced to stop bogarting Eminem's talent. |
Alien Ant Farm |
Smooth Criminal |
Sentenced to realize that rock and comedy go together AbOUT as well as Tara Reid and proportionate breasts. |
The All-American Rejects |
Dirty Little Secret |
Sentenced to disappear from people's iPods within the month. |
Lily Allen |
Alfie |
Sentenced to move to Sesame Street. |
Lily Allen |
LDN |
Sentenced to move to Winnipeg. |
Lily Allen |
Smile |
Sentenced to get rid of her 18-gallon bucket of ice cream and her "[...] And The City" DVD box set. |
…And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead |
[...] Sun |
Sentenced to add a few more unneeded words to their band name. |
Aqua |
Barbie Girl |
Sentenced to continue plans to release the "My Royalty Checks Keep On Getting Smaller" Barbie. |
Arctic Monkeys |
When the Sun Goes Down |
??? |
Audioslave |
Doesn't Remind Me |
Sentenced to continue watching "[...] She Wrote" on the tour bus. |
Audioslave |
Original Fire |
Sentenced to continue being ultimate band for men who sport mullets. |
Avenged Sevenfold |
Bat Country |
??? |
Backstreet Boys |
Just Want You To Know |
Sentenced to cease all attempts to increase their 15 minutes of fame. |
Backstreet Boys |
Larger Than Life |
Sentenced to become quieter than silent. |
Baha Men |
Who Let The Dogs Out |
Sentenced to pick up all the dog s*** they left at the beach. |
The Bangles |
Walk Like An Egyptian |
Sentenced to shave their mullets and put on some makeup so people will actually think they're women. |
Basement Jaxx |
Where's Your Head At? |
Sentenced to realize the "double X" in their name is as cool as a pair of uggs. |
Beastie Boys |
Ch-Check It Out |
Sentenced to crimes against hair with Chad Kroeger. |
Beastie Boys |
Fight For Your Right To Party |
Sentenced to fight for their right to be relevant again. |
Beastie Boys |
Triple Trouble |
Sentenced to be eaten by the Loch Ness Monster. |
Beck |
Sexx Laws |
Sentenced to only release videos on Halloween. |
Natasha Bedingfield |
Unwritten |
Sentenced to leave her next album "unwritten." |
Beyoncé feat. Shakira |
Beautiful Liar |
Sentenced to continue being the ultimate three-way. |
Beyoncé |
Crazy in Love |
Sentenced to have her legs registered as loaded weapons. |
Beyoncé |
Irreplaceable |
Sentenced to sign a massive pre-nup with Jay-Z. |
Beyoncé |
Naughty Girl |
Sentenced to stop making guys want to cheat on their girlfriends. |
Beyoncé |
Ring The Alarm |
Sentenced to stop threatening to "kick the court's [...]". |
Beyoncé |
Upgrade U |
Sentenced to release her follow-up single, "Supersize U". |
Black Eyed Peas |
Don't Phunk With My Heart |
Sentenced to stop being so motherphunking terrible. |
Black Eyed Peas |
My Humps |
Sentenced to death by label rejection. |
Black Eyed Peas |
Pump It |
Sentenced to star in the video game "Grand Theft Talent". |
blink-182 |
Feeling This |
??? |
blink-182 |
First Date |
Sentenced to realize their fake mustaches make them look cool. |
blink-182 |
I Miss You |
??? |
blink-182 |
What's My Age Again? |
Sentenced to get a set of birthday suits that don't induce vomiting. |
Bloodhound Gang |
Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo |
Sentenced to headline Jock Jams 17. |
Blue October |
Hate Me |
Sentenced to realize that if "blue angel" means lighting a fart, then "Blue October" must mean micing a fart. |
Bow Wow feat. Ciara |
Like You |
Sentenced to use a booster seat when driving his Hummer. |
Bow Wow |
Outta My System |
Sentenced to wipe away his tears with his diamond and gold-encrusted handkerchief. |
Bow Wow feat. Chris Brown |
Shortie Like Mine |
Sentenced to realize that dropping "Lil'" from your name doesn't automatically make you taller. |
Chris Brown |
Gimme That |
??? |
Chris Brown |
Say Goodbye |
Sentenced to continue being more successful than you'll ever be. |
Chris Brown |
Wall To Wall |
Sentenced to reshoot the video after watching Blackula and The Lost Boys. |
Chris Brown |
Yo! (Excuse Me Miss) |
Sentenced to stop stalking and just buy love like other R&B singers. |
Bubba Sparxxx feat. Ying Yang Twins |
Ms. New Booty |
Sentenced to 200 hours of community service in the "Save the Booty Foundation". |
Busta Rhymes |
I Love My Chick |
Sentenced to stop making videos that look like a Steven Segal action flick. |
Busta Rhymes |
Touch It |
Sentenced to a cage fight with MC Hammer and The Vengaboys. |
Mariah Carey |
All I Want For Christmas |
Sentenced to admit that all she wants for Christmas is Tommy Motolla and a nutcracker. |
Mariah Carey |
Don't Forget About Us |
Sentenced to stop kissing in soccer nets in order to avoid getting hit by a soccer ball. |
Mariah Carey |
Heartbreaker |
??? |
Mariah Carey |
Shake It Off |
Sentenced to appear in People Magazine's "Sexiest Women Under 70" issue. |
Mariah Carey |
We Belong Together |
Sentenced to a career arc similar to that of Eric Roberts. |
Mariah Carey feat. Snoop Dogg |
Say Somethin' |
Sentenced to be a little less sexy, a little more 45 candles... or however old she is... |
Cassie |
Long Way 2 Go |
Sentenced to 3 months at the Ashlee Simpson Institute For The Craptastic. |
Cham feat. Alicia Keys |
Ghetto Story Pt. 2 |
Sentenced to keep on co-opting other people's fame until someone can begin to co-opt his. |
Chamillionaire |
Grown And Sexy |
Sentenced to convert his video into a movie called "Robot Supermodels On A Plane". |
Chamillionaire |
Hip Hop Police |
Sentenced to have his lips permanently sewn to Jay-Z's [...]. |
Chamillionaire feat. Krayzie Bone |
Ridin' |
Sentenced to ride his "low rider" straight to hell. |
Ciara |
Oh |
Sentenced to continue being the queen of crunk. |
Kelly Clarkson |
Behind These Hazel Eyes |
Sentenced to thank God she was never eaten by Ruben Studdard. |
Kelly Clarkson |
Never Again |
Sentenced to begin working on her comeback album. |
Kelly Clarkson |
Since U Been Gone |
Sentenced to continue to be a hotter chick than Clay Aiken. |
Kelly Clarkson |
Walk Away |
Sentenced to "walk away" from the music industry. |
Cobra Starship |
The Church Of Hot Addiction |
Sentenced to ride their starship back to their home planet of D-Listia. |
Cobra Starship |
Snakes on a Plane (Bring It) |
Sentenced to return to the sucky bands from whence they came. |
Coldplay |
The Hardest Part |
Sentenced to have no plans for their next video. |
Coldplay |
Talk |
Sentenced to cease on having the always baked Prince Harry direct their videos. |
Common fear. Lily Allen |
Driving Me Wild |
Sentenced to feature a silencer for his next song. |
Creed |
My Sacrifice |
Sentenced to do a rosary for every stripper. |
Culture Club |
Do You Really Want To Hurt Me? |
Sentenced to realize the irony in the progression of their career from making trash to picking up trash. |
Culture Club |
Karma Chameleon |
Sentenced to make it up to karma by retiring. |
D12 |
My Band |
Sentenced to perform on the Carrot Top tour. |
D4L |
Laffy Taffy |
Sentenced to spank their Super Soakers on their own time. |
Daughtry |
It's Not Over |
Sentenced to change their name to "Theory Of A Creedleback". |
The Darkness |
Christmas Time (Don't Let The Bells End) |
Sentenced to have their career walk towards the light. |
The Darkness |
I Believe In A Thing Called Love |
Sentenced to 3 years at the fashion reformatory for the chronically British. |
The Darkness |
Is it Just Me? |
Sentenced to stop brushing their teeth with Coke. |
The Darkness |
One Way Ticket |
??? |
Shawn Desman |
Let's Go |
Sentenced to return the rental sports car. |
Destiny's Child |
8 Days Of Christmas |
Sentenced to recognize the true meaning of Christmas — cheating on loved ones at the office Christmas party. |
Destiny's Child |
Survivor |
Sentenced to stay 100 yards away from camouflage bikinis for the next 10 years. |
Devo |
Whip It |
Sentenced to do a commercial for "The Clapper." |
Diddy |
Come to Me |
Sentenced to team up with Mr. T for a duet called "Diddy The Fool". |
DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince |
Parents Just Don't Understand |
Sentenced to continue being a more effective sedative than anyhting Paula Abdul has in her purse. |
DJ Khaled |
We Takin' Over |
Sentenced to do the traffic report in Regina. |
The Dream feat. Fabolous |
Shawty Is A Ten |
Sentenced to agree that if something is shoddy, it can't be a ten. |
Hilary Duff |
So Yesterday |
??? |
Hilary Duff |
Stranger |
Sentenced to host a new reality show called America Has No Talent. |
Hilary Duff |
Wake Up |
Sentenced to go to London and party with Britain's royal bad boy, Prince Harry. |
Hilary Duff |
With Love |
Sentenced to stop feeling insecure about not being in rehab. |
Hilary and Haylie Duff |
Our Lips Are Sealed |
??? |
Duran Duran |
Wild Boys |
Sentenced to admit that, at some point, they got it on with your mother. |
Eminem |
[...] Like That |
Sentenced to have a slinky up his [...]. |
Eminem |
Just Lose It |
Sentenced to learn how `Bad Comedy' can hurt people by watching the entire first season DVD of King of Queens - with director commentary |
Eminem |
Stan |
Sentenced to throw away all of his unsent Vanilla Ice fanmail. |
Eminem |
When I'm Gone |
Sentenced to lighten the f*@k up already! |
Eminem feat. 50 Cent, Cashis & Lloyd Banks |
You Don't Know |
Sentenced to keep on teaming up with every hip-hop star who isn't M. C. Hammer. |
Evanescence |
Call Me When You're Sober |
Sentenced to "call me when they're better". |
Evanescence |
Lithium |
Sentenced to stop being more depressing than those Ben Johnson power drink commercials. |
Evanescence |
Everybody's Fool |
Sentenced to stop making music that sounds like a Leon's commercial. |
Eve |
Tambourine |
Sentenced to spend the rest of her life at band camp. |
Fall Out Boy |
A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More Touch Me |
Sentenced to stop using The Simpsons as inspiration for Jebus' sake! |
Fall Out Boy |
Dance, Dance |
??? |
Fall Out Boy |
Sugar, We're Goin Down |
Sentenced to the more appropriate Simpsons-inspired name of "Worst Band Ever". |
Fall Out Boy |
The Take Over, The Break's Over |
Sentenced to have their skinny jeans permanently removed. |
Fall Out Boy |
This Ain't A Scene, It's An Arms Race |
Sentenced to have the lead singer lay off the ham sandiwches. |
Fall Out Boy |
Thnks Fr Th Mmrs |
Sentenced to help control the pet population by having themselves spayed and neutered. |
Fatboy Slim |
The Rockafeller Skank |
Sentenced to reveal that in the title "Rockafeller Skank", the word "Rockafeller" stands for "Paris Hilton is a". |
Kevin Federline |
Lose Control |
Sentenced to keep on pursuing custody of his pot. |
Fergie |
Big Girls Don't Cry |
Sentenced to date Linus from Charlie Brown. |
Fergie |
Clumsy |
Sentenced to stop releasing songs and put "The Duchess" to rest. |
Fergie |
Fergalicious |
Sentenced to cancel her plans to release her new single "Hollaback Guy". |
Fergie feat. Ludacris |
Glamorous |
Sentenced to keep "keepin it real"-ish. |
Fergie |
London Bridge |
Sentenced to Google the phrase "Shameless Gwen Stefani Impersonator" and see what turns up. |
The Flaming Lips |
The Yeah Yeah Yeah Song |
Sentenced to attract women more their age group by taping some Metamucil to their privates. |
Foo Fighters |
Everlong |
Sentenced to never again wear wigs in their future videos. |
Foo Fighters |
Learn to Fly |
Sentenced to leave the fake mustaches and [...] to Kevin Federline. |
Foo Fighters |
Resolve |
Sentenced to realize that even Mr. T pities them. |
Willa Ford |
I Wanna Be Bad |
Sentenced to realize that the only hits she'll have from now on are courtesy of her crack pipe. |
Fountains Of Wayne |
Stacy's Mom |
Sentenced to speed up production on their new song, "Stacy's Grandmom". |
Franz Ferdinand |
Do You Want To |
Sentenced to just get it over with and have [...] with each other. |
Franz Ferdinand |
Walk Away |
Sentenced to keep making theater students look tough. |
G-Unit |
Stunt 101 |
Sentenced to remember that "Too many cooks spoil the rap song". |
The Game feat. Kanye West |
Wouldn’t Get Far |
Sentenced to stop complaing about others and just have [...] with himself. |
Gnarls Barkley |
Crazy |
Sentenced to keep making videos that deliver a hallucinogenic contact buzz. |
Gnarls Barkley |
Gone Daddy Gone |
Sentenced to be the first video reviewed on the newly created spin-off "Stoners On Trial". |
Good Charlotte |
Boys and Girls |
??? |
Good Charlotte |
I Just Wanna Live |
Sentenced to solitary confinement for their own safety. |
Good Charlotte |
The River |
Sentenced to stop bathing in Rogaine. |
Tom Green |
Teachers Suck |
Sentenced to a school with Weird Al Yankovic. |
Green Day |
Basket Case |
Sentenced to realize they were the original American idiots. |
Green Day |
Jesus of Suburbia |
Sentenced to cease production on their next video, "Moses of Suburbia". |
Green Day |
Wake Me Up When September Ends |
Sentenced to make a less depressing video about subjects such as rainbows and candy. |
Guns N' Roses |
Welcome To The Jungle |
Sentenced to quit all the lame side projects and make f***ing rock and roll again. |
Gym Class Heroes |
Clothes Off |
Sentenced to bet their career playing roulette...And hopefully lose. |
Gym Class Heroes |
Cupid's Chokehold |
Sentenced to stop telling us to look at his girlfirend. We get it - She's hot. |
Haddaway |
What Is Love |
Sentenced to continue having to pay for "love" by the hour. |
Hanson |
MmmBop |
Sentenced to stop pestering MuchMusic for their royalties. |
Hedley |
She's So Sorry |
Sentenced to apologize for their existence. |
hellogoodbye |
Here (In Your Arms) |
Sentenced to keep on sounding like a mix of Weezer and Cher. |
Paris Hilton |
Nothing In This World |
Sentenced to have a Video On Trial viewer add her picture to the Wikipedia entry for "loser". |
Hinder |
Better Than Me |
Sentenced to stop cheating over Chad Kroeger's shoulder, because all of the answers are wrong anyway. |
Hinder |
Lips of an Angel |
Sentenced to realize the irony that "Lips of an Angel" is being sung by the lips of an a**hole. |
Brooke Hogan feat. Paul Wall |
About Us |
Sentenced to smash a folding chair over Paul Wall's back. |
Hoobastank |
The Reason |
Sentenced to include an album advisory sticker with a warning that their lyrics may offend all. |
Whitney Houston |
How Will I Know |
??? |
Whitney Houston |
I Wanna Dance With Somebody |
Sentenced to dance with somebody while Bobby lap-dances with somebody else. |
Billy Idol |
White Wedding |
Sentenced to a white funeral. |
Enrique Iglesias |
Addicted |
Sentenced to keep on giving old people an alternative to "Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman". |
Enrique Iglesias |
Do You Know? (The Ping Pong Song) |
Sentenced to grow some balls of his own. |
Enrique Iglesias |
Hero |
??? |
Janet Jackson |
So Excited |
Sentenced to put her clothes back on — but only because she's 90. |
Michael Jackson |
Beat It |
Sentenced to beat it with someone his own age. |
Michael Jackson |
Billie Jean |
Sentenced to buy a face toupee. |
Michael Jackson |
Thriller |
Sentenced to nothing — his lawyers were too good. |
Jay-Z |
99 Problems |
Sentenced to death by firing squad. |
Jibbs |
Chain Hang Low |
Sentenced to ask Santa for a gold record. |
Jimmy Eat World |
The Middle |
Sentenced to remain but a distant memory in our minds. |
Jingle Cats |
White Christmas † |
Sentenced to mysteriously disappear from the MuchMusic vault forever. |
JoJo |
How To Touch A Girl |
Sentenced to make sure R. Kelly never sees this video. |
JoJo |
Too Little, Too Late |
Sentenced to celebrate her 16th birthday amidst declining album sales and a surplus of unsold concert t-shirts. |
Kelis |
Milkshake |
Sentenced to 5 years of chest arrest. |
Kelis feat. Too $hort |
Bossy |
Sentenced to change nothing — well, with the possible exception of "everything". |
R. Kelly feat. Usher |
Same Girl |
Sentenced to go back to writing songs, not episodes of Y&R. |
R. Kelly |
Trapped In The Closet Pt. 1 |
Sentenced to buy a Coleman stove for those extended closet stays. |
Kid Rock |
American Badass |
Sentenced to shave his pubic mullet. |
The Killers |
All These Things That I've Done |
Sentenced to come up with an original thought. |
The Killers |
Bones |
Sentenced to realize that having [...] with a skeleton is gross. |
The Killers |
Don't Shoot Me Santa |
Sentenced to put Santa through a meat grinder and feed him to Rudolph. |
The Killers |
For Reasons Unknown |
Sentenced to keep us wondering how they ever got famous. |
The Killers |
Mr. Brightside |
Sentenced to hire Carrot Top for their next video. |
The Killers |
Read My Mind |
Sentenced to stop taking their video ideas from Paula Abdul. |
The Killers |
When You Were Young |
Sentenced to stop being more "British" than Prince Harry having [...] with a custard scone. |
Sean Kingston |
Beautiful Girls |
Sentenced to hook up with Eva Longoria on season 16 of The Surreal Life. |
KoRn |
Freak on a Leash |
Sentenced to stop making videos that look like the new Garfield movie. |
KoRn |
Twisted Transistor |
Sentenced to stop making songs that already sound like Weird Al's parody version. |
Nick Lachey |
What's Left of Me |
Sentenced to rejoin with the rest of his 98 Degrees bandmates on the D-list. |
Cyndi Lauper |
Girls Just Want To Have Fun |
Sentenced to cease production on her new single, "Girls Just Want To Chillax." |
Cyndi Lauper |
She-Bop |
Sentenced to stop sitting on her Dirt Devil Extreme. |
Avril Lavigne |
Complicated |
Sentenced to stop making videos that look like a Pizza Pocket commercial. |
Lady Sovereign |
Love Me or Hate Me |
Sentenced to change her title to "Lady Wonhitte of Wondershire." |
LeToya |
Torn |
Sentenced to sing about stuff that people actually care about, such as Cool Ranch Doritos and dog robots. |
Lil' Mama |
Lip Gloss |
Sentenced to start picking out baby names. |
Limp Bizkit |
Behind Blue Eyes |
Sentenced to an eternity in rock and rap hell. |
Lindsay Lohan |
Confessions of a Broken Heart |
Sentenced to buy a new father. |
Lindsay Lohan |
Over |
Sentenced to go from acting and singing to early retirement. |
Lindsay Lohan |
Rumors |
Sentenced to spend more time on her boobs and less time in the booth. (Verdict #1) Sentenced to realize that where there's smoke, there's a crappy singer. (Verdict #2) |
Linkin Park |
In the End |
??? |
Jennifer Lopez |
All I Have |
Sentenced to wait next time until she gets her presents, and then f*** off on Boxing Day like everyone else. |
Jennifer Lopez |
Do It Well |
Sentenced to continue her quest to become America's next top cage fighter. |
Jennifer Lopez |
Get Right |
Sentenced to eight consecutive life sentences. |
Jennifer Lopez |
Jenny From The Block |
Sentenced to answer the BEP question "Whatcha gonna do with all that junk? All that junk? Inside your trunk?" |
Courtney Love |
Mono |
Sentenced to continue discovering new forms of STDs. |
Ludacris |
Get Back |
??? |
Ludacris feat. Pharrell |
Money Maker |
Sentenced to buy another item you can't afford and then tell you all about how awesome it is. |
Ludacris |
Number One Spot |
Sentenced to let Mini-Me just be a TV Commercial. |
Ludacris |
Splash Waterfalls |
??? |
Ludacris |
Stand Up |
Sentenced to stop making videos that make him look like a prop comic. |
Madonna |
Hung Up |
Sentenced to stop making dance music before another Vogue invasion. |
Madonna |
Like A Virgin |
Sentenced to adopt Trevor Boris and take him to England. |
Madonna |
Papa Don't Preach |
Sentenced to continue being the sexiest 70-year old on the planet. |
Madonna |
Sorry |
Sentenced to re-invent herself. |
Marilyn Manson |
The Dope Show |
Sentenced to lose the makeup and the minor and move back into his parent's basement. |
Marilyn Manson |
Tainted Love |
Sentenced to stop coming to our parties and creeping out our sisters' friends. |
Maroon 5 |
She Will Be Loved |
Sentenced to death by an alien or a dinosaur. |
Maroon 5 |
Wake Up Call |
Sentenced to buy a convertible like everyone else trying to compensate for a a small penis. |
Ricky Martin |
She Bangs |
Sentenced to keep asking his agent if "The Surreal Life" has called back yet. |
Massari |
Be Easy |
Sentenced to cease production on the video where he pretends to own the Space Shuttle. |
Jesse McCartney |
Beautiful Soul |
Sentenced to put a "may cause drowsiness" sticker on future albums. |
Metallica |
St. Anger |
Sentenced to admit that "St. Anger" is actually the patron saint of bad music. |
Methods Of Mayhem |
Get [...] |
Sentenced to put a muzzle on Tommy Lee's radioactive penis. |
Mika |
Grace Kelly |
Sentenced to go through puberty. |
Christina Milian |
Dip It Low |
Sentenced to switch to using watercolor paints when engaging in [...] activity. |
Milli Vanilli |
Girl You Know Its True |
Sentenced to stop blaming it on the rain and instead blame it on acid reflux. |
MIMS |
This Is Why I'm Hot |
Sentenced to come out with his own line of mirrors. |
Missy Elliot |
Lose Control |
Sentenced to be buried alive until she turns blue. |
Missy Elliot |
Pass That Dutch |
Sentenced to do a duet with Cheech and Chong. |
Missy Elliot |
Work It |
Sentenced to warn potheads that her videos may "harsh their mellow." |
Moby |
We Are All Made of Stars |
Sentenced to eat a rogaine sandwich. |
Modest Mouse |
Dashboard |
Sentenced to start fishing for an original sound. |
Mötley Crüe |
Smokin' In The Boy's Room |
Sentenced to spend the rest of their lives in detention. |
My Chemical Romance |
Ghost Of You |
Sentenced to lighten the hell up! |
My Chemical Romance |
Helena |
Sentenced to be prominently featured on the playlist for late night DND sessions. |
My Chemical Romance |
I Don't Love You |
Sentenced to divorce their lead singer. |
My Chemical Romance |
I'm Not Okay (I Promise) |
Sentenced to have their lunch money stolen by bullies. |
My Chemical Romance |
Teenagers |
Sentenced to trade fans with Hilary Duff. |
My Chemical Romance |
Welcome To The Black Parade |
Sentenced to stop forcing Video On Trial to come up with new ways to call them nerds. |
N.E.R.D. |
Lapdance |
Sentenced to a lifetime of awkward first dates with no [...]. |
Nas |
Hip Hop Is Dead |
Sentenced to recognize that if hip-hop is dead...Then emo is double dead. |
Naughty By Nature |
Hip Hop Hooray |
Sentenced to wash Paris Hilton's underwear. |
Nelly |
Batter Up |
Sentenced to do a video about bobsledding. |
Nelly |
Hot In Here |
Sentenced to apologize for making pit stains hot. |
Nelly |
Grillz |
??? |
Nelly feat. Christina Aguilera |
Tilt Ya Head Back |
Sentenced to stop giving "The Depression" a bad name. |
Ne-Yo |
When You're Mad |
Sentenced to a vow of a life of abstinence and to make a public apology. |
New Kids On The Block |
You Got It (The Right Stuff) |
Sentenced to begin most of their sentences with "I used to be..." |
Olivia Newton-John |
Physical |
Sentenced to get John Travolta more physical so he'll look a little less like Jabba The Hut and a little more like Danny Zuko. |
Nickelback |
Rockstar |
Sentenced to get off Video on Trial and stay off. |
Nirvana |
Smells Like Teen Spirit |
Sentenced to rub used gym socks and gummi bears on themselves. |
No Doubt |
Ex-Girlfriend |
??? |
No Doubt |
Hella Good |
??? |
No Doubt |
It's My Life |
Sentenced to pray really hard that Gwen returns to the band. |
*NSYNC |
Bye Bye Bye |
??? |
*NSYNC |
I Drive Myself Crazy |
Sentenced to be more crazy by sending Justin Timberlake to the Backstreet Boys and AJ into NSync. |
*NSYNC |
It's Gonna Be Me |
Sentenced to learn about Justin Timberlake. |
*NSYNC |
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays |
Sentenced to wish that they're on Justin's gift list. |
Obie Trice |
Got Some Teeth |
Sentenced to dental sensitivity training. |
OutKast |
Morris Brown |
Sentenced to keep on staying together by not playing together. |
OutKast |
Roses |
Sentenced to reduce their `Poo-Related' content, and cease production on their new album `Dirty Sanchez". |
OutKast |
The Way You Move |
Sentenced to visit a real mechanic & suffer through the residual overcharging & smell of day-old farts. |
Kelly Osbourne |
Papa Don't Preach |
Sentenced to stop making songs that make people preach for an Ozzy Osbourne album. |
Panic! At the Disco |
But It's Better If You Do |
Sentenced to Google the word "creativity." |
Panic! At the Disco |
I Write Sins Not Tragedies |
??? |
Panic! At the Disco |
Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off |
Sentenced to realize that, with the exception of nothing, Panic! At The Disco are Fall Out Boy. |
Papa Roach |
Scars |
Sentenced to continue rockin' the iPods in white-boy frat houses everywhere. |
Paramore |
Misery Business |
Sentenced to shave their lady mullets. |
Ray Parker Jr. |
Ghostbusters |
Sentenced to drop the "Jr." in order to save his father the embarrassment. |
Sean Paul |
Temperature |
Sentenced to realize that snowsuits don't equal sexy. |
Sean Paul |
We Be Burnin' |
Sentenced to stop "we-be-burnin'" up the atmosphere by getting rid of his Hummer. |
P!nk |
Don't Let Me Get Me |
Sentenced to give up the anti-corporate fight and get a tattoo of Mickey Mouse holding a Nike swoosh. |
P!nk |
Just Like a Pill |
Sentence to stop falling in to the 'Easy-Rhyme' trap by listening to rap, and not making music that sounds like crap. |
P!nk |
Stupid Girls |
Sentenced to specifically explain how she is any different from Lindsay Lohan. |
P!nk |
Trouble |
Sentenced to 3 months in a country jail. |
P!nk |
U + Ur Hand |
Sentenced to go back to imitating sexy celebs. |
P!nk |
Who Knew |
Sentenced to continue making fun of her stupid girls, but without her stupid curls. |
P!nk |
You Make Me Sick |
Sentenced to seek relationship advice from Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown. |
The Pipettes |
Pull Shapes |
Sentenced to pull their careers into shape by making music that is relevant to teens and not their parents. |
Prince |
Kiss |
Sentenced to ditch the platforms and get himself a little person card. |
Eric Prydz |
Call On Me |
??? |
Puddle of Mudd |
She Hates Me |
Sentenced to show any impact they have made. |
Pussycat Dolls feat. Busta Rhymes |
Don't Cha |
Sentenced to be forever listened to on mute. |
Pussycat Dolls feat. will.i.am |
Beep |
Sentenced to join the Backstreet Boys and call themselves "Pussycat Dolls With Balls." |
Pussycat Dolls feat. Timbaland |
Wait A Minute |
Sentenced to continue being the world's youngest cougars. |
Queens of the Stone Age |
Go With the Flow |
Sentenced to make another music video advertising the Swiffer. |
Queens of the Stone Age |
No One Knows |
Sentenced to name their next song "No One Listens". |
Queens of the Stone Age |
Sick, Sick, Sick |
Sentenced to realize human flesh actually tastes like chicken. |
The Raconteurs |
Steady, As She Goes |
Sentenced to race against Jack's other 26 bands. |
Red Hot Chili Peppers |
Can't Stop |
??? |
Red Hot Chili Peppers |
Dani California |
Sentenced to have their next video directed by Kevin Federline. |
Red Hot Chili Peppers |
Hump De Bump |
Sentenced to be the first people to add grillz to their dentures. |
Rich Boy |
Throw Some D’s |
Sentenced to have Weird Al perform a parody called "Throw Some Cheese On That Dish". |
Lionel Richie |
All Night Long |
Sentenced to admit that Nicole is his kid and not the daughter of the band's drummer. |
Right Said Fred |
I'm Too Sexy |
Sentenced to spend all of eternity shaving each others' chests. |
David Lee Roth |
California Girls |
Sentenced to admit that he's gone from liking California girls to looking like a California Raisin. |
Kelly Rowland f. Eve |
Like This |
Sentenced to tour under the name "Destiny's Unwanted Child". |
S Club 7 |
S Club Party |
Sentenced to forever answer the question, "What does the 'S' stand for?" |
Nicole Scherzinger |
Whatever U Like |
Sentenced to continue making every other girl feel fat. |
Seether |
Truth |
Sentenced to set up a cage match between two other fictional characters: A unicorn and their musical talent. |
Shaggy |
It Wasn't Me |
Sentenced to heavy rotation on your dad's iPod. |
Shakira |
Don't Bother |
Sentenced to head back to the studio with her good friends the Tin Man and the Scarecrow. |
Shakira |
Whenever, Wherever |
Sentenced to continue being the female version of David Hasselhoff. |
Shakira feat. Wyclef Jean |
Hips Don't Lie |
Sentenced to realize that if her "Hips Don't Lie", they're probably saying that her song sucks. |
Shop Boyz |
Party Like A Rockstar |
Sentenced to O.D. like a rockstar. |
Simple Plan |
Shut Up! |
??? |
Ashlee Simpson |
Invisible |
Sentenced to recognize that you can't pick your sister, you can't pick your nose, and you can't pick your sister's nose. |
Ashlee Simpson |
La La |
Sentenced to wear a shock collar in her next video. |
Ashlee Simpson |
L. O. V. E. |
Sentenced to create an award show for her fellow idea stealers called "The Grabbies". |
Ashlee Simpson |
Shadow |
??? |
Jessica Simpson |
A Public Affair |
Sentenced to stop hogging all the hot girls in Hollywood and leave some for Nick Lachey. |
Jessica Simpson |
Let It Snow † |
Sentenced to mysteriously disappear from the MuchMusic vault forever. |
Jessica Simpson |
These Boots Are Made for Walkin' |
Sentenced to fifty slaps on the [...] by a drunken hillbilly. |
Jessica Simpson |
With You |
??? |
Sir Mix-A-Lot |
Baby Got Back |
Sentenced to perform at Star Jones' next birthday party. |
Sisqo |
The Thong Song |
Sentenced to realize that thongs, much like his career, are sexy in theory, but full of [...] in reality. |
Will Smith |
Miami |
Sentenced to return to West Philadelphia, where he was born and raised, on the playground where he spent most of his days. |
Snoop Dogg |
Santa Claus Goes Straight to The Ghetto |
Sentenced to stop trying to smoke the mistletoe. |
Snoop Dogg feat. Justin Timberlake |
Signs |
Sentenced to keep the videos made in Las Vegas in Las Vegas. |
Soft Cell |
Tainted Love |
Sentenced to be tested for chlamydia, gonorrhea, & syphilis. |
Soulja Boy |
Crank That |
Sentenced to crank off. |
Spice Girls |
Wannabe |
Sentenced to get really old and have lots of babies. |
Britney Spears |
Do Somethin' |
Sentenced to life with Kevin Federline. |
Britney Spears |
Everytime |
Sentenced to realize her dream and find Kevin Federline a job at the Cheerios factory. |
Britney Spears |
Lucky |
Sentenced to stop manufacturing Federlines. |
Britney Spears feat. Madonna |
Me Against the Music |
Sentenced to stop singing and resume face-sucking. |
Britney Spears |
My Prerogative |
Sentenced to forbid her newborn son from using his father as a role model. |
Britney Spears |
Oops, I Did It Again |
Sentenced to cease from releasing her new book "The Dummies Guide To Parenting While Plastered". |
Britney Spears |
Toxic |
Sentenced to remove the dishwasher from the front lawn of her Malibu home. |
Gwen Stefani |
Hollaback Girl |
Sentenced to stay 400 meters away from any Harajuku Girls. |
Gwen Stefani |
Luxurious |
Sentenced to pay royalties to the year 1999 every time she wears lip liner. |
Gwen Stefani feat. Damian Marley |
Now That You Got It |
Sentenced to wake up and smell the jerk chicken. |
Gwen Stefani |
The Sweet Escape |
Sentenced to keep on making music that mixes "basic repetition" with the sound of cats playing with downed hydro wires. |
Gwen Stefani |
What You Waiting For? |
Sentenced to return to the sucky band from where she came. |
Gwen Stefani |
Wind It Up |
Sentenced to keep on sounding like the operating room at a spay & neutering clinic. |
Street Drum Corps feat. Bert McCracken |
Happy Christmas, War Is Over |
Sentenced to admit he's lost the war against eyeliner. |
t.A.T.u. |
All The Things She Said |
Sentenced to take their Russian lesbian act on the road. |
T.I. feat. Busta Rhymes and Alfamega |
Hurt |
Sentenced to grab some shovels and Busta and put this song in the dirt. |
The Strokes |
Juicebox |
Sentenced to take a cold shower together. |
T-Pain feat. Mike Jones |
I'm N Luv (Wit A Stripper) |
Sentenced to remember that on a date with a stripper, the two-drink minimum still applies. |
Serj Tankian |
Empty Walls |
Sentenced to start a boy band with Osama Bin Laden. |
Tenacious D |
Tribute |
Sentenced to keep on fat guy rockin'. |
Terror Squad feat. Fat Joe |
Lean Back |
Sentenced to stop eating his bandmates. |
Three 6 Mafia |
Doe Boy Fresh |
Sentenced to sell their Oscar on eBay in order to buy a portal to get their heads out of their asses. |
Tiffany |
I Think We're Alone |
Sentenced to work security on Hilary Duff's mall tour. |
Justin Timberlake |
Cry Me A River |
Sentenced to write another song about his relationship with Britney, this time called "Dodged a Major Bullet!" |
Justin Timberlake feat. T. I. |
Let Me Talk To You/My Love |
Sentenced to apologize for bringing "sucking back". |
Justin Timberlake |
Like I Love You |
Sentenced to continue being the least fat ex-member of NSync. |
Justin Timberlake |
SexyBack |
Sentenced to meet women the normal celebrity way: through publicists. |
Justin Timberlake |
What Goes Around...Comes Around |
Sentenced to stop bitching and realize that he's the luckiest [...] on the face of the earth. |
The Transplants |
Gangstas and Thugs |
Sentenced to stop transplanting rap with punk. |
Twista |
Slow Jamz |
Sentenced to stop making songs that make men want to play the skin flute. |
Twisted Sister |
We're Not Gonna Take It |
Sentenced to rent their band name out to Ashlee Simpson. |
Bonnie Tyler |
Total Eclipse Of The Heart |
Sentenced to ask Weird Al to stop recording the song "Total Eclipse Of The Fart." |
The Used |
All That I've Got |
Sentenced to appear in the "used" CD bin shortly after their release. |
The Used |
Pretty Handsome Awkward |
Sentenced to be Lindsay Lohan's date in rehab. |
The Used |
The Bird & The Worm |
Sentenced to live in a van down by the river. |
Usher |
Burn |
Sentenced to take a dip in his awesome flaming pool. |
Usher |
Caught Up |
Sentenced to the school of "Retro Fashion". |
Bobby Valentino |
Anonymous |
Sentenced to enter the witness relocation program for our sake. |
Van Halen |
Hot For Teacher |
Sentenced to try and remember just one moment - any moment - from the 1980s. |
Vanilla Ice |
Ice Ice Baby |
Sentenced to stop, collaborate, & listen: You're s***! Pack it in. |
Velvet Revolver |
Fall To Pieces |
Sentenced to stop giving hardcore drugs a bad name. |
Velvet Revolver |
She Builds Quick Machines |
Sentenced to play music people like...In their old bands...And just the hits. |
The Weather Girls |
Dear Santa † |
Sentenced to mysteriously disappear from the MuchMusic vault forever. |
Weezer |
Beverly Hills |
Sentenced to an extremely juvenile detention centre. (Verdict #1) Sentenced to go back to playing with their inflatable playmates. (Verdict #2) |
Weezer |
Perfect Situation |
Sentenced to continue living their lifelong dream of non-stop rockin' and role-playing. |
Weezer |
We Are All On Drugs |
Sentenced to have sand kicked in their face by a bully. |
Weird Al Yankovic |
White & Nerdy |
Sentenced to admit that he looks like the albino version of Dave Navarro. |
Kanye West |
Diamonds From Sierra Leone |
??? |
Kanye West |
Jesus Walks |
Sentenced to be stopped from making the album, "Jesus Surfs". |
Kanye West |
The New Workout Plan |
Sentenced to remind Anna Nicole Smith that this is not "The New Pork-Out Plan". |
Kanye West |
Touch the Sky |
Sentenced to work in NASA to orbit his ego. |
Kanye West feat. Adam Levine |
Heard 'Em Say |
Sentenced to have their relationship annulled. |
Wham! |
Careless Whisper |
Sentenced to stop hanging out at truckstops with Lance Bass. |
The White Stripes |
Icky Thump |
Sentenced to a [...] fight with Yung Joc. |
The White Stripes |
The Denial Twist |
Sentenced to make at least one video with a Hummer and a jacuzzi. |
will.i.am |
I Got It From My Mama |
Sentenced to an orgy with the Golden Girls. |
Wolfmother |
Joker & The Thief |
Sentenced to shut their dumb faces cuz Zeppelin rules |
Tony Yayo feat. G-Unit |
I Know You Don't Love Me |
??? |
Ying Yang Twins |
Wait (The Whisper Song) |
Sentenced to pipe up about where they will put their Yings and Yangs. |
Young MC |
Bust A Move |
Sentenced to change his name to Old MC. |
Yung Joc |
It's Goin' Down |
Sentenced to take gangsta lessons from Aaron Carter. |
† "Let It Snow", "Dear Santa", & "White Christmas" were all critiqued at the same time and given the same verdict.
Quotes
- Ron Sparks - I once saw Liberace and Elton John 69 each other in the back of a limo, and that video is still the gayest thing I've ever seen. (on "Just Want You to Know" by the Backstreet Boys)
- Ron Sparks - I'm not gonna say too much about this video, because I'm friends with blink-182, but I will say one thing...Shawn Desman sucks. (on "I Miss You" by blink-182)
- Fraser Young - Watch out Old Navy, watch out Orange Julius...It's about to get all complicated in this bi-yotch! (on "Complicated" by Avril Lavigne)
- David Kerr - What is up with that dance? I liked him better when he was on smack! (on "Fall to Pieces" by Velvet Revolver)
- David Kerr - Am I the only one who's not threatened by breakdancing anymore? It's kind of like "Oooh, look at me, I did a headspin! DISS! Take that, Christina!" (on "Can't Hold Us Down" by Christina Aguilera)
- Nikki Payne - She wrote "Do Somethin'" for her husband. She's gonna follow it up with a song called "Why Don't You Get A Job". (on "Do Somethin'" by Britney Spears)
- Nikki Payne - We gotta keep our vaginas nice and strong". (on "Fergalicious" by Fergie)
- Ron Sparks - If I tried to put my thumbs down any further, I would mess my pants. And then my pants would be full of Hinder. (on "Lips of an Angel" by Hinder)
- Pete Zedlacher - Pbbbbbbbbbbbllllllllllllpppppppppp! *one giant raspberry* (on "Lips of an Angel" by Hinder; that was cut in and out between other jurors' verdicts)
- Anna Von Frances - If you are truly beautiful you can cut off all your hair and still look pretty. That is why Jennifer Aniston will always have long hair. (on "Papa Don't Preach" by Madonna)
- Ron Sparks - You know what I like about this video... Nothing. (on "Money Maker" by Ludacris)
- Trevor Boris - All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth, made out of diamonds, bitches! (on "Chain Hang Low" by Jibbs)
- Weird Al Yankovic - If your song's title is so long that it can't fit on a bumper sticker, you might just be a pretentious alternative rock band! (on "Lying Is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off" by Panic! at the Disco)
- Nikki Payne - " I don't like chairs! Take that chair! [...] you chair!" (on "So Excited" by Janet Jackson)
- Trevor Boris - "I'm madly in anger with you"? Okay, that is officially the gayest line in all of heavy metal. (on "St. Anger" by Metallica)
- Trevor Boris - "Brooke Hogan is like Paris Hilton, without the talent. I know. (on "About Us" by Brooke Hogan)
- Ron Sparks - "Hey, some weird guy in a trenchcoat just followed a half-black, half-white woman up my staircase. Get over here!" (on "Billie Jean" by Michael Jackson)
- Alex Nussbaum - "Zeus shows him a yellow paper. Is it that he needs help reading it, or is he challenging Chamillionaire to see if he can read?" (on "Ridin" by Chamillionaire)
- Trevor Boris - "All I want for Christmas is to go home. Seriously. I've been locked in here since the very first episode!" (on "All I Want For Christmas" by Mariah Carey)
- Dini Dimakos- "There are two places where Fergie charges admission: Fergieland and the arc between her legs. Coincidentally, they are the same place."(on "Fergalicious" by Fergie)
- Ron Sparks- "What does the "O" stand for Steve? "Oh my goodness he's got no talent at all."(on "Joker & The Thief" by Wolfmother)
- Grieg Nori- "I've been wearing these sandals all day, who wants to smell 'em"(on "Luxurious" by Gwen Stefani)
- Sabrina Jalees- "Oh, I'm hugging Asian people. I like Asian people, I'm hugging black people, I love Latin people..."(on "Luxurious" by Gwen Stefani)
- Nicole Arbour- "Wow, the Harajuku Girls are like, stealth, they can climb walls like fricken Batman."(on "The Sweet Escape" by Gwen Stefani)
- Perry Perlmatur- "I've seen armless people do a better robot...I've seen dudes without torsos do a better robot."(on "L.O.V.E." by Ashlee Simpson)
- Ron Sparks- "So you go driving around in your parents car, without a license, and you pick up some run-away, and she's underaged, and you go to jail, and then they have to come back early to bail you out? Yeah, parents just don't understand. What is with parents!?"(on "Parents Just Don't Understand" by Will Smith)
- Boomer Phillips- "Arrgh! I'd just... Kick it in the face!!"(on Paris Hilton's chihuahua Tinkerbell in "Nothing in This World" by Paris Hilton
- Dini Dimakos- "You're not here for our entertainment? Oh, why would you be, you're just an entertainer..." (on "U + Ur hand" by Pink)
- Ron Sparks- "Shawn Desman sucks." (he says this a lot or at least used to)
- Dini Dimakos- "Sorry poor orphan children, what Beyonce wants, Beyonce gets." (on "Eight Days Of Christmas" by Destiny's Child)
- Boomer Philips- "Who taught this guy to drive, Dany Heatley?" (on "Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays" by *NSYNC)
- Nicole Arbor- "Just when I thought she couldn't copy Gwen anymore, she went and got black Harajuku girls." (on "Glamorous" by Fergie feat. Ludacris)
- Fraser Young- "Hey, you kissed my friend, I'm gonna run you off the road, we'll call it even." (on "What Goes Around...Comes Around by Justin Timberlake)
- Trevor Boris - "This video is sh-, this video is sh-, this video is sh-, [...] [...] [...] [...]!" (on "Fergalicious" by Fergie)
- Fraser Young - "LOOK! That wind is so strong! It's not a scene OR an arms race, it's a [...] hurricane!" ''(on "This Ain't a Scene, It's an Arms Race" by Fall Out Boy)
- Andrew Johnston - "You lied to me... you told me you were a chick. OH MY GOD, SHE IS SUCH A TRANNY." (on "Wake Up Call" by Maroon 5)
- Ron Sparks - "Dude, these space people came billions of miles just to meet you. I really think they'll be willing to walk across your room. You're gonna have to run further than that." (on "Tainted Love" by Soft Cell)
- DJ Trixx - "Busting makes me feel good? Busting makes ALL guys feel good, you dork." (on "Ghostbusters" by Ray Parker, Jr.)
- Darren Rows - "This video made me want to kill myself, even more than the Marilyn Manson video, which really made me want to kill myself. So this episode of Video on Trial could end with a double [...], in which I kill myself twice, which is mathematically impossible." (on "I don't love you" by My Chemical Romance)
- Trevor Boris - "When people see this video, he'll be lucky if he's a chethousandaire." (on "Ridin by Chamillionaire)
- Dini Dimakos - "Yo B I'm still pimping, and spending cheese on all these women, I wish you was Rihanna, cuz then I'd be up on ya." (on "Eight Days of Christmas by Destiny's Child)