Chris the Crafty Cockney

Chris the Crafty Cockney aka Chris Jackson is a fictional character played by Paul Whitehouse in the BBC sketch show comedy The Fast Show which ran for three series between 1994 and 1997 followed by a "Last Ever" show in 2000. He first appeared at the beginning of the second series, and featured in almost every episode from then on. He is an incurable kleptomaniac.

Chris is said to be based on a stereotype of East-End Londoners, in that he is prone to stealing anything from anyone for any reason. He is always seen with his trademark green and white striped jumper, ponytail, and using his catchphrase: I'm a little bit waayy, a little bit wooah, a little bit woosh, I'm a geezer, I will nick anything". He is often seen explaining this to potential victims shortly before stealing from them, often expecting them to understand what he is doing. He even steals from his best mate Dan who runs a newsagent's, and from a woman who turns out to be his mother, during The Fast Show Live, in 1998.

There is only one real example of when Chris doesn't seize an opportunity to steal anything from anyone and that is when he breaks into a house on Christmas Eve, during the 1996 Christmas Special. After being disturbed by a young child and telling her that "uncle Dave" is about to steal all the presents under the tree, he momentarily breaks the fourth wall and explains that he cannot steal from a child at Christmas.

On another occasion, Chris is dressed up as a police officer, and a family in a saloon car asks him directions, and so he 'nicks' them. At the end of episode 3 of The Last Fast Show Ever, Chris was seen in handcuffs being led away by the police.

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