Who's Driving The Boat?

"Who's Driving the Boat?" is the fourth category of The Four Types of Pleasure. While the origin of this list is uncertain, it is widely accepted by many scholars as an accurate means of categorizing types of pleasure, most notably in The Chicago School of Pleasurable Thought. It is furthermore accepted that "Who's Driving the Boat" to be the key stone of these categories, serving as a catch-all for any pleasurable activities that may slip through the cracks of the other three, which are, in alphabetical order, Arbitrary Categorization, Correcting People When They're Wrong, and Solid/Liquid Interaction.

Alternate Phrasing

The phrase "Who's Driving the Boat?" can be written several different ways. As an abstract concept, it is commonly written as "Who's Driving the Boat?" to avoid confusion; however, it is frequently written as "Who's Driving the Boat?!" to show the notable air of concern with which this phrase is characteristically used. Formally, it can also be written as "Who Is Driving The Boat?", though this form causes the air of urgency to be lost amongst the less-than-colloquial phrasing, and has therefore fallen out of common parlance.

When used in practical terms, this phrase transforms into a type of prepositional exclamation, falling at the end of the sentence and serving as the climax of a phrase. It appears, in these situations, as "...then who's driving the boat?" or as "...then who's driving the boat?!" if the writer wishes to show the apparent concern with which this phrase is used.

Common Parlance

By definition, when not speaking AbOUT "Who's Driving the Boat?" as an abstract concept, the phrase must fall at the end of a sentence and should be yelled at least twice as loud as is socially acceptable in a given situation. Sentence formulas and examples of the most common usages are as follows, listed from most frequent to least frequent:

The first and most popular form comes as a response to someone else's spoken word. Person A tells person B where two or more people are, to which person B responds in following way "Wait... if I'm here, and you're there, [and person C is in place X, and person D is in place Y...] then who's driving the boat?" Note the following example:

 Molly: "Are we ready to begin?"
  Phil: "Jarrett just went to the bathroom, so it'll be a minute or two."
  Paul: "Wait... if I'm here, and you're there, and Jarrett's in the bathroom-"
  All: "-then who's driving the boat?!"

This form is most effective when used around people who are aware of the abstract concept so as, in our example, Paul does not end up being the only one yelling the phrase and subsequently explaining to everyone around him why exactly he was yelling, especially when said conversation does not, in fact, take place on a boat. So as to tip off any people who may be aware of the abstract concept and who could therefore join in the yelling of "Who's driving the boat?", Paul would follow proper form by building up the intensity of the sentence so as to create the illusion of slowly realizing that, horror beyond horrors, no one is driving the boat.

History

This phrase came into heavy usage during the Fall Quarter of 2007, specifically on the campus of The University of Chicago. Specifically, it became the calling card of one of the University's Mock Trial Teams, specifically Team Sporty Spice. While at a team dinner on the night of October 26th, 2007, one Mr. Paul Brown introduced the concept to several intoxicated team members. They chose this as their team motto, and it has henceforth become an important part of UChicago history. Those involved are as follows:

Phil Ehrlich: Co-Captain, Attorney for P./D.
Molly Booth: Co-Captain, Witness for P./D.
Paul Brown: Attorney for D.
Diana Wang: Attorney for P.
Miles Hopgood: Attorney for D./Witness for P.
Jarrett Colby: Attorney for P./Witness for D.
Dawn Sauer: Witness for D.
Ted Riquelme: Witness for P.
Fatoumatta Darboe: Alternate
They were truly a band of brothers.