The Top Ten Ways to Ruin the First Day of School

The Top Ten Ways to RUiN the First Day of 5th Grade (later renamed The Top Ten Ways to Ruin the First day of School) is a children's book by Ken Derby.

Synopsis

The book is AbOUT Anthony Madison (nicknamed "Tony Baloney", TB for short) a big fan of The Late Show with David Letterman. Tony, who repetitively tried to get on the show through several chaotic antics, finally was invited by David Letterman himself after causing chaos at an NFL game by stealing the football and running 100 yards on the field in a bear costume. Tony decides to go, bringing his friends Mohammad bin Abdul Hamad bin Jamaluddin bin al-Rashid (called Mo, "for obvious reasons"), Anna 'Banana' Peterson, and their teacher Mr. Gore.

After an EXCITING airplane ride (during which Mo almost upchucked), the foursome arrive at the airport. To Mo and Anna's dismay, they and Tony get separated from Mr. Gore due to a mob of fans rushing to greet a celebrity. Tony decides that they should go on without him after several attempts to find him. Outside the airport, the three meet a foreign taxi driver named Raj, an English-speaking Indian who was also the best child psychologist in Bombay. Tony asks Raj to take them to David Letterman, but he takes them to the post office instead, unknowingly thinking he meant the 'letter-man' instead of David Letterman.

Lost in New York City, Tony and his friends go to the Empire State Building, but they get stuck in the elevator after Tony unknowingly presses the emergency button. They learn after getting out of the elevator that the button is there in case of a matter of urgency. They also learn that kids are not allowed at the top of the building unsupervised.

Tony, Mo, and Anna accidentally knock over some motorcycles belonging to a biker's group called Hells Angels. Harley Davidsun, the leader of the group, forgives them, and introduces them to his friend from MTV, Luca. She then asks Tony, a celebrity for his bear stunt, for an interview. He accepts, and when being introduced to the show, rock music is blared and Tony gives a 'concert' with his lip-synching and air guitar.

Mr. Letterman calls Tony and says to hurry to the show. Tony ends up riding with the Hells Angels right onto the set of The Late Show and introduces all the people he'd met in New York, including Raj, Luca, and Hells Angels.