Stuart Larkin

"Look what I can do!"

Stuart Larkin is a deeply-disturbed little boy who has been embodied by Michael James McDonald since the first season of Mad TV in a running sketch that is one of the show's beloved features, to judge from audience reaction. Little is known AbOUT his life prior to where we see him in the sketches. We know that his father left him on Tuesday, evidently through an internet affair. He apparently suffers from a fear of touching, has bladder/bowel control issues, and a very strong oral fixation. He is a clever manipulator who can get the best-intentioned babysitter fired, the despair of his chinless, overbearing mother, Doreen Larkin (Mo Collins). She is often scolding him for such habits as putting dirty things in his mouth, lying, using bad manners, and his seemingly obsessive desire to be seen in public wearing only his white briefs. It is obvious he is completely dependent on his mother, and she uses varying catch phrases to teach Stuart about life.

Some of Stuart Larkin's sayings:

Doreen: "What does Momma say about sliding down the banister??"

Stuart: "Don't slide down the banister cuz you might injure your goo goo and that's all some men have going for them."

Doreen: "What does Momma say about playing on the monkey bars?"

Stuart: "Little boys who play on the monkey bars get callouses right here, and when you get callouses right here people think you're either low class or a dirty Italian."

Doreen: "What does Momma say about playing cards?"

Stuart: "Only dirty people play cards"

Doreen: "What does Momma say about the fudgecicles?"

Stuart: "Fudgecicles look like frozen POOP."

Doreen: "What does Momma say about little boys who don't take responsibility?"

Stuart: "Little boys who don't take responsibility get hairy palms."

Doreen: "No, that's for something else!"

Doreen: "What does Momma say about the liars?"

Stuart: "The soul of a liar is black like POOP."

Doreen: "What does Momma say about the Taquitos?"

Stuart: "Taquitos go in one end and explode out the other."

Doreen: "What does Momma say about lying?"

Stuart: "Little boys who lie should expect tragedy to visit on a regular basis."

Doreen: "What does Momma say about little boys who aren't polite?"

Stuart: "Little boys who aren't polite give the pro-choice movement a reason to exist."

Stuart: "Let medoit.