Äkkikuolema
Äkkikuolema is a Finnish metal band that created the genre "necrometal of darkness".
History
In the year of 1982 Pimeyden Nekroteurastaja formed SUDDEN DEATH, which became known as ÄKKIKUOLEMA when ÄKKIKUOLEMA Demoncastration Tape was released shortly thereafter. The concept was simple. To create the most twisted, dark and unholy metal that does not even resemble music in any way. Pimeyden Nekroteurastaja called this the Necrometal of Darkness. Lord Nekrokallo (aka Murhakuu) soon joined the band, creating the only strong line-up ever for the band. A few demos were recorded, and the band split up in 1987 . Pimeyden Nekroteurastaja was reputed to be dead, and Lord Nekrokallo went on to create disturbing electronic music during the mid-90s. The ÄKKIKUOLEMA tapes were confiscated by the church due to their blasphemous content.
End of story? Not at all. In 1990 Eukalyptika and Totaaliteurastaja (who had played session drums for ÄKKIKUOLEMA) re-formed the band, and recorded a few now lost rehearsal tapes. It was during this time that Eukalyptika found the tapes recorded by Tuhomurhaaja af Void, Musta Kostaja and The Ympärileikkaaja and released them as the Korpisaatana demo.
In 1994 a comeback demo was planned, and Greifi Kyrvänkatkoja joined to do the vocals, and Eukalyptika recruited Prince Diabolicum Mystinen Hahmo Äkkikuoleman Historiassa to play bass. They tried to rehearse between fights but ended up in the hospital. This period was the most destructive within the band, as the band mostly fought among themselves. Totaaliteurastaja was often missing in the forest and was once found in a cave in the middle of the night, banging bloody bear skulls with fleshy bear bones.
The band would have fallen apart unless Prince Diabolicum Mystinen Hahmo Äkkikuoleman Historiassa had not found Epäpyhä Pukkiherra, with whom the Tuskapimeä demo was recorded. Eukalyptika and Totaaliteurastaja disappeared completely before the recording, and have not been heard of since. Greifi Kyrvänkatkoja did not show up for the recording, and he was no longer considered a part of band. Tuskapimeä was a terrible demo with lousy sound in the standard vein of ÄKKIKUOLEMA, but it used a drum machine and was never released. The band fell apart again. Two years after this, in December 1997, Epäpyhä Pukkiherra committed [...] by blowing his brains out with a shotgun.
In September 1997 Greifi Kyrvänkatkoja killed Tuhomurhaaja af Void, with whom he had had quarrels over re-forming Äkkikuolema (Tuhomurhaaja wanted to introduce song structures). For a long time he had his body in his freezer and then dissected it and cut it up in little pieces. A demo was mailed out in Tuhomurhaaja's stomach. The Ympärileikkaaja had also disappeared under suspicious conditions, and rumours at the time had it that he also had been killed.
In early 1997 ÄKKIKUOLEMA was re-formed once again by new blood, namely Ruttovagina the Gynekologi, Greifi Kyrvänkatkoja, and Kalmakuolema Kyrpäjyrä. Nekroviikinki the Saatana joined the band only weeks before the recording of the Kuolema Suksilla demo, during a period when the whereabouts of Kalmakuolema Kyrpäjyrä was unknown. Sometime in April 1998 Kuolema Suksilla was recorded. This then was the age when all hell broke loose.
The recording of Kuolema Suksilla ended up in total mayhem and bloodshed, much like their predecessors. Greifi Kyrvänkatkoja bled half to death, and was unable to participate in any ÄKKIKUOLEMA activity for 6 months. Ruttovagina the Gynekologi ate Musta Kostaja after finding out he had played something melodic. Nekroviikinki the Saatana was not heard of ever since, although some say he lost his sense of time and fell down into the Viking age. At this time Ylikalifi Nekrokuppakuolema the Victorious (Emperor Zyklonius Eloton) managed the band and was able to recruit replacements. Ruttovagina the Gynekologi did not want to cooperate with Ylikalifi and disappeared into the forests.
The next demo, 9th to be exact, was titled "Pure Kuolema or Holocaust Over Meri-Pori." Only 9 tapes were given away. It was recorded by Ylikalifi, Paroni Nekrotuhooja von Holocausthelveetti, Sultan Lahmu and Saatanan Ylipappi the Krisnunrepijä during the summer. ANNO SAATANA: PIRU ON IRTI was the next "unlimited" release, and contained much unreleased material from the past. Ylikalifi was run over by a car on his way to Helvetinpimento, so Ruoskapuoskari the Napanuora Huoranpilkkoja replaced him on the few new tracks on ANNO SAATANA. This miserable piece of painful abomination ended the story of the now-trendy ÄKKIKUOLEMA, which was laughed out and beaten to death by an angry person who claimed to the Ympärileikkaaja come back from the year 2020 when he was/will be resurrected. The alternative rumour tells that all the members wandered outside after the recording and were taken by the light of the rising sun and burned to ashes.
The final chapter concerns the THE TRUE ÄKKIKUOLEMA, an attempt by Greifi Kyrvänkatkoja, Pimeyden Nekroteurastaja and Eukalyptika to create true unholy holocaust. The Ympärileikkaaja was also part of the roster, but unfortunately died during rehearsals. Eukalyptika was not seen or heard of, so Murhakuu filled in. What came of this session was a tape titled "Armacaust Hologeddon", recorded in September 1998. THE TRUE ÄKKIKUOLEMA split up after this, because they knew that continuing would produce only trendy [...]. With this tape they decided to put the "darkness" in the "necrometal of darkness", and that can be achieved only once in a lifetime.
However, as a lot of material had been put together over the years. Lord Nekrokallo came forth with an idea of doing a CD (mastered from tape). Greifi Kyrvänkatkoja had left the band (after giving the CD the title "Kaos Absolut"), but three members were resurrected. Musta Kostaja was stitched together from the intestines of Ruttovagina, the Gynekologi, the runestone under which Nekroviikinki the Saatana was buried in the Viking age was opened and Nekroviikinki was brought back to life in a satanic ritual. The Ympärileikkaaja was dug up from a ditch where his body had been ditched after he was found dead. Turns out he usually does not have a heartbeat, and he was ready to beat the skins again. Unfortunately, the recording could not be carried out due to the death of all members in a car accident. Here is the story:
On the night of the 21st of December The Ympärileikkaaja, Musta Kostaja, Nekroviikinki the Saatana and Lord Nekrokallo were killed in a car accident on their way to record the Kaos Absolut CD. Greifi Kyrvänkatkoja was struck with grief when he found out about it as he was not there to take pictures. He has no intention to bring Äkkikuolema back to life. "Death is what they were after, death is what they got. My only regret is that they didn't get any of the accident on tape. Or it would have been great to be riding with them to death. It's great to go up in flames like that", he said about the accident.
Evidently, the car had rolled over many times on a field, flaming like a torch until it exploded with all members of the True Äkkikuolema inside. According to Greifi Kyrvänkatkoja, the explosion could have happened due to the 150 kg of stolen dynamite in the trunk of the car meant for the blowing up of the cathedral of Turku.
After the crash Greifi Kyrvänkatkoja met with the mysterious Eukalyptika, and decided that Äkkikuolema is now in the state of torpod and thus has been discontinued until further notice. This is the official statement from the current leader of the esoteric Satanic order, given on the last day of the satanic year 3x666 (1998 a.y.p.s):
"The True Äkkikuolema has been disbanded since all remaining members have quit. It is hereby declared that The True Äkkikuolema is now in the state of torpod. During this period anyone claiming to be a member of The True Äkkikuolema or playing in a band that plays True Necrometal of Darkness is obviously a fake and a poser and should be executed. This period will last until otherwise indicated by an official statement coming from inside the True Äkkikuolema esoteric Satanic order."
A week after this announcement, Greifi Kyrvänkatkoja was found dead, apparently a [...], but cannot rule out the possibility of a [...].
Two years after the announcement a new band with all the previous members, now called The True Äkkikuolema became a reality with a CDR demo called Kaos Absolut. This was in 1999. SOTÄ, or the Satanic Order of the True Äkkikuolema took over the old Äkkikuolema name, though Totaaliteurastaja featured on the new tracks was only nominally in the band. Greifi Kyrvänkatkoja and The Ympärileikkaaja however did two demos after the 2003 demo "Demoni on syntynyt."
These two demos were "Ei elämää vieläkään" and "Ei elämää ikinä."