James Payne and the Wilson brothers

James Payne and the Wilson brothers is a legendary tale originating in Gulval in Cornwall, England.

Tale

Legend relates that James Payne a local clerk turned gypsy in the late 18th century. James was a young man of wealthy upbringing, from Rosewarren manor,notorious amongst the gentle folk he was formerly acquainted with for his vanity, he was known for always having a lady's gilt hand mirror in his possession. James is said to have had the finest collection of wigs in the Westcountry and had all the latest styles sent to him directly from Paris. He was also one of the first men in the district to move from wearing a tricorn to a tophat. One thing that is certain is that James seduced many local women, reputedly including his own mother. He made the mistake of seducing the local squire's daughter at the summer feast, 'Father I've been spoilt' she declared followed by 'James and I also did it a different way'. The Squire fumed 'I feel such a fool, James and I did that too!' and challenged James to a duel. James whimpered 'I'm so sorry I'm not quite myself, I feel desperate and depressed I might even take my own life!' and absconded promptly running away to Exeter in Devonshire and began the life of a roving gypsy. Frequently he returned to the Penzance area to seduce more local women. James was now known simply as 'the gypsy' and his debauched lifestyle was now the talk of the godfearing simplefolk of Gulval.

The Wilson brothers

Of course all of this angered the squire whose daughter was now heavily pregnant with 'the gypsy's' child. The squire who was being shunned by his peers and the gossip and joking point of the Newlyn fishwives hired a trio of assassins to rid him of the gypsy James Payne. These were the infamous Wilson brothers known as 'the Woggies' and they consisted of Clive, the eldest, who was a strong and powerful halfling, a 'sunny' jovial character for 9 months of the year, he could be often seen around the public houses and coaching inns in Penzance and surrounding parishes doing press-ups on his bare knuckles. One time outside a tavern frequented by the farming community it is reputed that he even bench pressed a grown ox which was AbOUT 20 times his meagre stature. During the other 3 months of the year Clive's temperament became somewhat 'stormy' and he would go and hibernate in a cave or sometimes go to sea. Clive had a brother named brother Mark (also known as Woggy) who has been described as a smelly, vile and disgusting tramp. Mark was rumoured to have leprosy and some said the plague, but for whatever reason he lived as a woodsman felling trees some said with his very own worn down teeth! He could be seen by the roadside selling his wares of timber, firewood and even Christmas trees during the 'holy' season—there was nothing holy about such a cruel man as 'Woggy' though and he was famed for being smelt long before one could behold such an abysmal sight as him, the children of the day rarely ventured into nearby Trevaylor woods (at the time three times its current size) for fear of being eaten or worse raped by the hideous 'Woggy beast'. Even the famous pirate and highwayman Robert Thomas chose to exchange gun fire with the coastguard than hide too deeply in those woods known to 'Woggy' like the palm of his hand. Of course under the 'clipped' wing of Clive was their brother Luke (at a mere 16 years of age he sported a 'very fetching' beard) and he was on the run from a debtors jail himself over cheating in a game of poker. Taking payment in advance the Woggies tracked the gypsy back to Exeter and laid an ambush. Unfortunately the ambush failed as James heard Clive 'quoting figures' (and generally being mental and thrashing things) on his approach and also practising his fearsome war cry of 'boy': he was chased onto a trade ship bound for India and captured.

Epilogue

The legend varies by account at this point but for whatever reason James manages to befriend the Wilson brothers and at an 'eating house' in Goa James steals the tips left by the Woggies to pay for his own meal. To this day people still claim to see 'the gypsy' roving between Penzance and Gulval or the ghost of Mark 'Woggy' Wilson where Jack Stephens Estate now stands in Penzance, a gaunt figure of a man almost as if he has just been exhumed and hair that looks like it has been pulled out by Satan himself.