Henry Clay: Man or Manatee

Henry Clay: Man or Manatee is an forthcoming novel by Abe Schreier that is expecting a publication date by May 2008. Intended to be a satire, the book describes what would have happened if Henry Clay was a manatee.

Abe Schreier is an emerging author of absurdest revisionist history, relying heavily on ridiculous comedy of actual historical figures to illustrate random concepts of history, twisted around.

Plot introduction

Joseph Smith was born in a small yurt on the side of a very tall cliff in Japan AbOUT two-thousand years ago. He was taught in his early years by Henry Clay, his mentor, in the secrets of his manatee form....

Using Joseph Smith as his main liaison, Henry Clay showed up at random people's farmhouses as a Manatee and taught them the Lost Histories of the Earth. Joseph Smith as the translator for Henry Clay's Manatee-from, stressed the importance of the Third Nuclear War of 1833.

In the preamble of his Book of Manatee, Joseph Smith wrote:

God Begots Man

Man Is Henry Clay

God Talks to Henry Clay

Henry Clay Loves Whigs

God Hates Whigs

God Loves Henry Clay

Henry Clay Hates God

Henry Clay Kills God

Henry Clay Becomes God

God Begots Manatee

Manatee Is Henry Clay

Henry Clay Talks to Joseph Smith

Joseph Smith Loves Mormons

God Hates Mormons

God Loves Joseph Smith

Joseph Smith Hates God

Joseph Smith Kills God

God Hates Mormons (but not the Jews...)

God Loves Joseph Smith

This war destroyed large swaths of British colonies in Antarctica, leading to a large loss of life and climate change. It is believed that left-over hostilities from Samuel Adam's nuclear [...] attack on London in 1764 (leading to the First Nuclear Exchange of 1776). Another result of this horrific war was the alleged connection between TNW1833 and John Browns eventually unsuccessful raid on the Harper's Ferry Missile Silo before the American Civil War and subsequent invasion of America by Canada resulting approximately 8,000,000 deaths on both sides, though more went to the Royal Canadians, because well, Mounties are just stupid.... duh. Henry Clay, in all of his Godly Awesomeness (he killed God... thus he was inherently God), led the Unionist Forces against a combined Canadian-Confederate attack of Ninja Panzers at Gettysburg, winning after three days of intense battle and freeing the slaves in the process.

Also in the process, Jesus decided that in all the times to come, he should poke back in this world at this troubled time... So, Jesus made his Second Coming and was promptly crucified by an angry mob.

Henry Clay, donning his battle armor of Brittney Spears (taken from the future, but without wardrobe malfunction or a revealing midrift, so essentially, it wasn't really hers, but anyways...) battles Satan herself, Hilary Clinton.

Prequel

More of this was intended to be written in his never-published prequel:

Joseph Smith: Friend or Fraud?