Crucial conversations

Crucial Conversations (book)

Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High (ISBN 0-07-140194-6) is a book by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler. The book that discusses how to handle disagreement and high-stakes communication was published by McGraw-Hill in 2002 and has since become a New York Times bestseller.

The authors define crucial conversations as conversations that occur when there is a lot at stake, when emotions are strong, and when opinions differ. They suggest that when dialogue becomes crucial, people react in one of three ways. They either avoid the conversation (go to silence), they react but do so poorly by lashing out or getting angry (go to violence), or they face them and handle them well. Unfortunately, human physiology prevents the latter from happening naturally because when Situations intensify and the stakes get high, we prepare for fight or flight. As our brain diverts blood to the larger extremities in preparation to flee, our higher-level reasoning is left to face challenging situations with very little capability. As a result, the authors assert that when it matters the most, we do our worst at communicating.

Because we are poorly equipped to handle high-stakes dialogue, the book is written on the premise that when you are stuck in any situation – whether it’s at home or work – there is a crucial conversation keeping you from accomplishing the desired results. If you can learn to speak up in these crucial moments effectively, then you can accomplish the results you are after. The authors support this idea by referring to people who are considered influential by their peers and managers in their work and relationships. These people are masters of crucial conversations. They possess a skill-set that allows them to face any situation with nearly anybody – no matter power, position, or authority.