Unguage

Unguage is a spoken cipher of the English language invented by Kristofer T. Wilson. The cipher can be applied to any language that can be written using the twenty-six letters of the English alphabet.

Unguage Words
To generate most of the words in Unguage, an "ung" is added to nearly all of the English letters. The remaining English letters are spoken as-is. The correct way to translate each English letter into Unguage is listed below:

* A -> A
* B -> Bung
* C -> C
* D -> Dung
* E -> E
* F -> Fung
* G -> Gung [do not confuse with "jung" - the "g" in "gung" is pronounced like the "g" in "gamble"]
* H -> Hung
* I -> I
* J -> Jung [think of the word "jungle," but without the "le"]
* K -> Kung
* L -> Lung
* M -> Mung
* N -> Nung
* O -> O [do NOT say "ong," as some people erroneously do - doing so will confuse the listener as to whether the speaker said "ong" or "ung"]
* P -> Pung
* Q -> Q
* R -> Rung
* S -> Sung
* T -> Tung
* U -> Ung
* V -> Vung
* W -> Wung
* X -> X
* Y -> Yung
* Z -> Zung

As you might have noticed, some letters were left unchanged. This is because adding an "ung" after them would be awkward and confusing. Do not attempt to do so, as this is deviation from true Unguage.

How to Speak Unguage
In order to speak Unguage, one spells out the words/sentences one wishes to secretly convey, then switches out each letter with its Unguage translation. For instance, would be "Wung i kung i pung e dung i a". This sounds very confusing, but after a couple of weeks of practicing Unguage, most people achieve the prowess to use it frequently when conversing with others.

Advantages of Unguage
* Once you have learned to speak it, many people will be impressed or amused at how quickly you can come up with seemingly random gibberish.
* Unguage is very useful for conveying private information while in public - one can speak of one's deepest secrets in front of a crowd and not one among them will have any idea what the person is saying.
* Whenever you are angry at someone, you can curse them out using Unguage. You could smile and tell them they're a filthy asshole and they'll have no idea.

Disadvantages of Unguage
* It takes awhile to learn Unguage.
* Bullies (who are likely jealous because they don't have the brainpower to speak Unguage) might insult speakers of the code.
* You may get into trouble if those in positions of power over you, such as a teacher, learns that you're speaking code - most would assume that the speaker is discussing things they don't like, such as insults or gossip. I (the writer of this article) have been sent into the hallway by my teachers often for telling an obscene joke to a friend in Unguage - even though the teachers had no idea what I said, they still were infuriated at their inability to monitor my conversation and punished me for usurping them of that beloved power (you'd be surprised how often teachers eavesdrop on their students).
* Some intelligent people can decipher Unguage if it's spoken repetitively and too slowly: "dung...................................................o...................................................gung" isn't that hard to translate into "dog" by people who have heard the phrase repeated within suggestive English context. Don't say it's impossible because I've seen it happen when novice speakers practice Unguage by only coding one word in a sentence and saying that phrase much slower than the English words. One such person was practicing before class started and my English teacher understood them after hearing the sentence several times; the teacher henceforth understood all of Unguage and we had to refrain from speaking private things using it, as the teacher knew what we were saying.

Ease of Comprehension
Even though Unguage seems hard, just keep practicing and within a couple of weeks or months (depending on the amount of practice) you'll be rolling through the code so fast only the people who trained with you will be able to understand. As I mentioned before, only speak it in the presence of people who shouldn't know Unguage until you're proficient enough to speak quickly - test your skill on people whose discovery of the cipher wouldn't be of any consequence to you, and if they're completely baffled, it's safe to begin using Unguage full-time.

Do you want to advance further?
Once you have mastered Unguage, send me an email and I'll tell you how to speak the four other code languages. The ability to speak all five codes fluently will keep everyone around you, even Unguage speakers, totally unaware of your words.
kinnickstudent@me.com

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