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Trouble on Broadway
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Trouble on Broadway Written by Natalie S Assistant Directors: Kelsey & Sydney Music: Brenna R Costumes: Kelsey Intro: Hello and welcome to our play, Trouble on Broadway. It is now that I would ask of you to turn off any cell phones, PDAs and other electronics. The exits are here (point), here (point), and occasionally, here (point). It case the world comes to an end and it starts to flood, you have a life jacket beneath your seat. Thank you for your participation and please enjoy the show! DG: Director Green at your service! Surely you know who I am. I wrote some of the greatest plays in the world! (Pause) Mary Poppins? Hamlet? Romeo and Juliet? What kind of fans are you? (Sob) And I could have been a doctor! (Sigh & talk to self) Its ok, it’s ok. (Sigh) Anyway, Romeo and Juliet are having a big show tonight, so we better get practi- (Hears scream off set) What was that?! Juliet: Romeo’s DEAD!!!! Romeo: (rubbing head) I’m NOT dead, Juliet. DG: What’s this all about, guys? Juliet: We were practicing the death scene, and I went home for lunch break. When I came back, Romeo was on the floor, might I add…DEAD! Romeo: I wasn’t dead. DG: Then please, explain. Romeo: I was practicing my death scene one last time after Juliet left, and I bumped my head so hard, I went into a mild coma. Must I explain more, Juliet? Juliet: Oh well, Shakespeare never made sense to me. DG + Romeo: Who’s he? Mary: Why, I do believe he was a famous writer of the 15th century. DG: Mary Poppins? What are you doing here? You’re show’s not ‘til Wednesday night. Mary: Yes, but remember, you rescheduled. You told me today would work much better. On E-mail? Something must be terribly wrong, or I’ve gotten my dates mixed up. It isn’t April fool’s Day, is it Simba? (Simba shakes head) DG: Wait, Simba’s here too? Why is he here? Mary: Well, he also has a show tonight, or so HE was told. Also on his e-mail. (To audience) Which is hotlionbabe@Iain’tlion.cbs if you’re wondering, girls! What are you thinking, Director Green? DG: I don’t know, but- Hey, is that Hamlet? Oh no! What’s your reason for being here? Hamlet: That is the question. DG: Yes, and you need to answer it. Hamlet: ‘Tis nobler in mind to suffer. Mary: Oh, sorry Director. Hamlet has only been speaking his lines for the play ever since opening night. DG: I don’t have time for this! I’ve got a play to put on, and with Romeo’s injury, I have to get crakin’. Romeo: Yeah, like my head. Mary: Are you sure he’s ok? ALL (except Romeo): Uh… (END SCENE) Phantom: (Evil laugh) No one will ever know what hit ‘em. Yes, indeed, it was I, The Phantom of the Opera, who has mixed all of the shows together! Using Director Green’s e-mail, I have changed all of his data around, and everyone in the world has received tickets to tonight’s show, EVERYTHING! Everyone in the whole world has gotten a ticket to one of his many plays- all at 8:00 tonight! Why?, you may be asking. Because I want my show back on Broadway! I got one week in the limelight. ONE WEEK! I want something done about this. Romeo and Juliet, no more if I can help it! All ME! (Evil laugh) (END SCENE) DG: (steps outside) Sorry, guys, I just need some air. (Spots Danny) Oh great, another one. Hey, Danny. Danny: Yo. DG: What’s your explanation? Danny: E-mail. What’cha think? DG: Just asking, I guess. (Pause) Sometimes I wonder why I made you so…so… Danny: Cool? Awesome? Punk? Perfect? DG: …Shallow. Danny: Oh. (END SCENE) Romeo: What shall I swear by, my dear Juliet? Juliet: Swear? Why would you swear? What kind of play is this? I thought this was G rated! DG: It is, Juliet. He means swear as in ‘to take an oath’. Do you understand? Juliet: Yeah, as long as there’s no swearing in it. DG: Let’s move on to another part. What about the scene where Romeo wonders if he can still be with Juliet? Romeo: Ha, banishment? Be merciful, say “death.” Juliet: Death! Ha! I said it! (Laugh hysterically) DG: Ok… Let’s move on to another scene. Juliet, you start. Juliet: Oh, think’st thou we shall ever meet again? Romeo: Well, duh! We’re doing the play together! (Mumble) Gosh, some people can be so stupid. DG: Ok, just one last scene guys, and get it right this time, please? Juliet: My ears have not yet drunk a hundred words, of thy tongue’s uttering… Romeo: Are you saying I talk too much? Juliet: Maybe I am. Romeo: (to DG) Women, you can’t understand ‘um, and…well…you can’t understand ‘um. Mary: Simba, I don’t know about you, but I don’t think they’re going to be ready in time. (Simba shakes head and shrugs/ they both walk off stage) DG: Why, oh why me? (END SCENE) Phantom: My plans are working perfectly. Romeo and Juliet, well, I never had to worry about them. They were bad from the start. But now, I’ve aroused more problems for Director Green that will be too much for him to handle before the big show! (Evil laugh) (END SCENE) Juliet: (scream) My dress is missing! Romeo: Just stay in your room! Don’t even think about coming out here! EWW! Juliet: Not like that, Romeo! My stage dress is missing! Get the director! Romeo: Director Green! Director Green! Come quick! DG: (runs onstage franticly) What? Is there a fire? I’ll call the ambulance! What’s your tragedy? Romeo: Juliet lost her dress. DG: Oh, well, what ever you do, don’t come out here! Juliet: Uggg! Men are just so…so… Romeo & DG: Smelly? Handsome? Smelly? Funny? Smelly? Juliet: No, gullible. (END SCENE) Danny: (Scream) Director Green! I lost my comb! DG: This really isn’t something to get so worked up about. We’ll get you another one. Danny: You don’t understand! DG: Yeah, I do. It’s ok. Danny: NO, this one was signed by Elvis! (Cry) DG: OH NO! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?! (END SCENE) Mary: Simba has a splinter in his left paw! He can’t go on stage with a splinter! DG: Are you sure, Simba? Mary: By golly, he’s sure! (Simba nods head) DG: Simba, can you make it to the vet with Mary? Mary: (Simba flinches on “VET”) Of course he can! (Simba shakes head/ Mary and Simba head for door) Mary: (Tries door) It’s locked! DG: Try the other door. Mary: (Mary and Simba move to other side of stage) It’s locked, too! DG: Oh, great. Now what? Both doors are locked and I’m stuck inside with maniac characters from plays I wrote with strange minds and creepy sayings. Now what? Mary: We could have a sing along! DG: (Everyone except Simba and DG start to sing) NO! STOP IT! NO SING ALONGS! (Pause) Oh, please, PLEASE, help me. (END SCENE) Hamlet: …To cross a sea of troubles… DG: AHHHHH!!!!! (Pushes hamlet off stage) (END SCENE) (Phantom enters holding bucket- appears to be putting down glue) Phantom: (Laughs evil-like/ suddenly realizes audience/ Stops) Oh, um… Well this is awkward. Well, um, I was just, um…Okay, okay. I will share with you my evil, yet unbelievably easy plan! (Evil laugh) I am placing glue, as you can plainly see, on this very floor. Director Green will enter and get stuck and his ‘friends’ (chuckle) will also get stuck! They won’t be able to let any of the guests in- and because of him being stuck, there is no way he could give re-funds! And if the guests don’t get him, the critics will! (Hahahahhaha!) DG: (Off stage) Wait a second, Simba, I think I heard something. Phantom: Oh no! I got to run! (Tries to run but is stuck) I’m stuck in the glue! DG: What the…? Phantom? What…are you doing? Phantom: I was…um…just, um, well you see I got this e-mail, and um… (All characters enter) DG: Did you cause all of this, Phantom? My Phantom of the Opera? Phantom: Uh…uh… Danny: Well? Answer the question, you vampire! Juliet: Romeo may be stupid, but you could pass as 10 of him! Mary: Oh, so one of Director Green’s LEAST like plays, we finally meet. I would love to make introductions, but my shows on in just a few minutes, and you know… all of the preparing and stuff…Oh we’d never make it on time if… DG: (Interrupting Mary because phantom is crying) Now, now guys. Can’t you see why The Phantom of the Opera is so sad? (Mix of ‘no’s and ‘huh’s) DG: Because he wants to be on stage. He loves to act, but no one will give him a chance because he sold out. He just needs…a big break. Phantom: (Almost crying) Thank you for finally realizing what I really need, and from now on, I’ll always ask you before I pull of an evil scheme! (Romeo starts to cry) DG: Romeo, it wasn’t that sad. Romeo: Oh, I just can’t take it any more- GROUP HUG! (Everyone is happy except DG, DG is in middle) DG: Okay, guys. We’re done. You can let go now. Um…We’re all done. Uh... Come on guys! Romeo: No! DG: Oh, great. (Mary looks at watch then pulls away from hug) Oh, no! We’ll never get the show started in time now! (Everyone looks sad) DG: Wait- maybe not! Danny: What’s the plan- Dog? (Everyone makes a group huddle just out of Phantom’s reach) DG: (Pulling away from group) Does everyone agree? Mary: Most certainly! Romeo: Of course! Juliet: Do you really think I would say no to that? (Simba nods head) Danny: Yo, do you think that anyone would turn down that…that… Mary: Plan? Danny: Yes, but I’m going to use an adjective! That…that… Romeo: Smelly? Danny: What is it with you and smelly stuff, Romeo?! Romeo: Well, I just wanted to point out that you forgot your de-odorant this morning. (to audience) Either that or he just doesn’t use it at all. DG: So are you clear on the plan, Phantom? Phantom: No I- DG: (cutting him off) That’s great! So we’ll see you tonight at 8:00 sharp! Phantom: Yeah, but- I- No, wait! Guys, I’m stuck to the floor! Juliet: How’d that happen? Phantom: Maybe I put glue on the floor… Juliet: And Maybe I was a famous play written by a famous guy I don’t know from the 15th century where I try to kill myself for this stupid bag of beans over here (Points to Romeo) Romeo: Hi. Juliet: But we all can’t be as lucky as you! (END SCENE) DG: Kelsey V Phantom: Brandon C Juliet: Sydney S Romeo: Natalie S Simba: Brenna R Mary Poppins: Kelsey G Hamlet: Lauren G See Also
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