Order of the spoon

The Order of the Spoon is a comedy religion, first created on social networking site bebo. In The Order of the Spoon , spoons are thought to be a holy form of the Great Spoon. Like all major religions the Order of the Spoon has a wide variety of rules, stories and religious teachings for others to follow.

The Story Of Creation
The Story of Creation is a key teaching of the Order of the Spoon, and the first to be firmly established. It talks of an all powerful It , whom had to power to create the first spoon, without explaining who, or what It was. It isn't defined as a God in the Order of a Spoon, but only a creator of a spoon, who is currently the sole God of the religion.

The first draft, posted on popular internet social networking website, Bebo is below.

In the beginning there was the all-powerful It. It was bored so It created two beings, the Spoon and Uri Geller. One day Uri used his super mind powers to bend the Spoon. It was not happy. It banished Uri to hell which was boring because no people had been created so he was all alone. It then commanded the Spoon to create the Earth, which was to take him seven days so the inhabitants of Earth could divide up their time easily and effectively. On the first day the Spoon created light and dark and all that jazz. On the second day the Spoon created all the animals. Many of them died as there were no plants or water just endless desert. On the third day the Spoon created water and plants so the surviving animals could live. That same day It came back from a party drunk and knocked the spoon unconscious with a halibut. The spoon remained unconscious till the sixth day when he awoke. The Spoon was angry with It so the Spoon shouted at It. It just laughed at the Spoon, but It laughed too much and had a heart attack and died, making the Spoon ruler of the universe. The Spoon was pleased. It wasn't, It was dead. Finally on the seventh day the spoon created people because it was lonely, and taught them to use the spoon wisely.

The 7 Commandments
The 7 commandments are rules defined for followers of the religion to use as guidelines in everyday life. These were given to the god-inspired founder of The Order of the Spoon high priest Robin, who then created The Order of the Spoon.

The 7 commandments are:

1. Thou shalt always carry a spoon (you never know when you'll need it)
2. Thou shalt not worship any other cutlery or crockery
3. Do not use a spoon in vain
4. Thou shalt not bend spoons, either with thy hands or thy mind
5. Keep Thursdays Holy
6. Sporks are frowned upon
7. Thou must make 1 pilgrimage in ones lifetime to Minsk

Minsk is often mentioned as a Holy City, but no true reasoning given.

Parables
The Order of the Spoon has several parables, each with moral meaning. Firstly, the four tasks of Marvin:

And so the almighty Spoon spoke to Marvin from upon high, and he spoke of four holy tasks. It said 'Thy first task shall be to cut down the tallest tree in all of Russia with, a herring (disclaimer: many of these texts were used as inspiration for Monty Python films)' So Marvin, being only a humble fisherman replied 'yes my lord' and began on his journey. He spent three years measuring all the trees in Russia, to wit he lost two of his toes to frostbite, and when he found tallest tree in all of Russia he then proceeded to cut the tree. Five years and 55468486 herrings later there was only a shallow groove in the tree, so the Spoon spoke to Marvin and said 'thy task are taking longer than expected, thou shalt be assisted' and the Spoon struck the tree with a tremendous bolt of lightning and brought it crashing down, crushing half of Moscow. Marvin sayth to the Spoon 'what now, o lord of lords?' and the Spoon sayth unto Marvin ‘thou must now cross the Red Sea in a pedalo and eat nothing but cheese’, and Marvin spoke ‘It shalt be done, master’. And so Marvin set of in his pedalo, yet as he reached half way some mysterious force parted the Red Sea, drowning Marvin. And the Spoon from upon high exclaimed in a voice the whole world could hear, ‘Damn you Moses, he still had another two tasks to do, stupid Israelites spoiling my fun’ And so ends the tale of Marvin, killed by a miracle. The moral of the story is, don’t cross seas in pedalos, and beware of people parting the seas you are sailing on.

Secondly, Sarah and the single colour coat:

Sarah was her mother’s favourite daughter so she decided to give her a fabulous coat. She wasn’t very wealthy so it was only a simple red coat, that was the most her mother could afford., Sarah loved her new coat, but her cousin Joseph had a Technicolor dream coat and was always bragging about it. So she decided to put him in a big pit with the help of his brothers. The almighty spoon liked this gesture of getting rid of people that bragged and gave her a Technicolor coat of her own, with little pictures of spoons on it. She died later because she was allergic to wool. But it’s the thought that counts.

Finally, Gerald and the Great Ark:

In a time when people had lost their faith in the spoon, the spoon came to Gerald, a lowly Shepard.
And so the spoon spoke unto Gerald, and he commandeth him to build a great ark to house all the beasts. The lions, the parrots, the goats, the orang-utans, the sheep the tuna, the etcetera (now extinct). So Gerald built a mighty boat from the remains of the tallest tree in Russia, cut down by the prophet Marvin with a herring or several million. And once the ark was finishedeth and ready the spoon sayeth, “Thou effort art impressive, although there will be no flood.” To which Gerald replied “Oh Bugger” and the spoon spoke “there will be twenty days and twenty nights of drought. In the great drought all the rivers, lakes and seas dried up and the world became a desert. Gerald was most displeased

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