Managementese

A list of phrases to avoid & their true meaning
*Let's do some blue-sky thinking = Lets pretend nothing will go wrong (Used for the 2012 Olympic Bid).
*A light bulb moment =A good (often stolen) idea.
*That’s a No-brainer =Totally Obvious Enhancement that was completed five years ago.
*Low hanging fruit =Lets do the easy stuff first.
*My best ballpark figure = A total guess, that I know is wrong.
*Worst Case Scenario = I’ll just cover myself in case it all goes wrong.
*Heads Up = First View, normally wrong.
*Out of the box thinking = Create ideas that will never work.
*I don’t want to go down a Rabbit hole on the issue = I’m not prepared for this.
*Highlight, Target & Focus Key Resource = No one wants it.
*Let's park that Idea = That has no place in the discussion, so leave it for another time.
*Have you dialed my numbers in? = It was my idea & I want the meeting to know it.

*Highlights = Compilation of Business speak words, collated from anyone, endeavouring to show they’re still worth paying.
*An exercise in boxticking = An activity of completely wasted effort.
*I just want to touch base with you = Fancy a coffee?
*Can you let my secretary know? = I am more senior than you
*Keep me in the loop. = Make sure you email me.
*Starter for Ten. = Really bad first attempt.
*I will use Fish Bone Diagrams & the five whys to get to root cause of the issue. = I’ve just got back from a residential course.
*Well, he talks a good game. = He can't deliver on this.
*It’s not on my radar. = I’m not working on this.
*It's an aggressive schedule. = I can't do it in time.
*We need to round it. = Do it all again because its wrong.
*I can go through that in more detail later. = I don’t have any detail on that item.
*I'll take that on Board. = You're talking total rubbish.
*You need to come to the party. = Do it my way.
*Let's start singing from the same hymnbook. = Do it my way.
*Lets Slice & dice the data. = Do the Spreadsheet my way.
*Do a deep dive on the data. = Do a bigger Spreadsheet my way'.
*Push Back = NO !

*We need to ask the question! = I don’t know.
*I need to get up to speed = I don’t know anything.
*Lets take this Offline = Neither of us knows anything; Shut up!
*My mind is open on this issue = I will never know anything.
*We need a holistic, cradle to grave approach. = We need a plan.
*Challenging, but achievable. = Impossible & you will likely fail.
*Get all my ducks in a row. = The project is in a mess.
*Pareto the list = There is too much to do.
*Moving Forward = Delegate to someone else.
*Work smarter, not harder = Work harder to a incomprehensible process.
*The process is the Panacea = I need more time to understand what you want me to do.
*The process owner is the only person who can change the process. = I invented it, I know it’s rubbish but I want to keep my job.
*We need to benchmark our processes = I need to visit a dissimilar company to us in a nice location.
*We will use performance management to show progress. = I’ve got a spreadsheet in three colors.
*You need to flag it up = Is it wrong ?
*We’re on a Journey = It’s bad now & it’s going to get worse, but by then, we’ll have all moved on.
*We need to lay an Egg on this = You need to finish this task.
*Exam Question = What should we have done.
*We need to all be prepared to step up to the plate on this = You all need to understand that you will be blamed for my incompetence.
*I need to manage stakeholder expectations on this = I’m late, over budget, the spec is wrong & my customer doesn’t know.
*You've moved the goalposts = This is not what you asked me to do.
*We’ve mixed results = I’ve poor results with a bit of mediocre news.
*No serious bugs have been reported = No one has used it yet.
*I don't want to point fingers = ...but it's your fault.
*Moving to a Matrix Management system = No seniors will lose their jobs.

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