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Flourishing Relationship
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A Flourishing Relationship is a good and well-balanced relationship that continues to get better due to the concerted effort of both partners . In fact, the word 'Flourishing' itself is a term used in positive psychology to describe an optimal functioning of people, groups and institutional organization or system as a whole . A flourishing relationship contributes to sustainable interpersonal connections over time, and having this type of relationship is the most common definitive type of a healthy relationship that most people try to achieve. Not all relationships succeed over time. The need for a flourishing relationship arises as the urban life creates an endless flow of nervous stimulations and stands in contrast to small-town life which rests on emotional relationships . With so many unsuccessful marriages and relationships around the urban world, the components of a flourishing relationship are being studied to find an answer or solution of unhealthy relationship. Attachment The Attachment Theory is what psychologists nowadays believe as the foundation of how people interact in their relationship. Being attached to another requires an emotional investment; the relationship is free to be based on any kind of relationship such as mother-son, teacher-student, or even master-pet. This means that attachment creates a bond that involves the emotions of affection, concern, and undivided attention or personal interest. Infant Attachment Theory This theory describes how infants are attached to their caregiver shows a correlation to how they treat their relationships in the future. The attachment phenomenon was analyzed by Mary Ainsworth’s Strange Situation assessment where a child is exposed to an ‘uncomfortable’ situation. The child participant’s behavior was observed and analyzed. Shown below are the basic steps of this experiment. # Guardian and child are invited into a room. # Child is let to explore the room. # A stranger enters, interacts with the guardian and guardian exits the room, leaving the child and stranger alone. # Guardian returns and comfort the child. The resulting behavior of the child participant after the guardian tried to comfort the child was being observed more strictly than the child’s behavior while in the absence of the guardian. This is because the child’s response toward the return of the guardian decides the category of attachment involved. The conclusion produces three or four main categories, as referred in Hazan and Shaver attachment style model and also Bartholomew and Horowitz model. Secure Attachment A child with secure attachment are described to have an adaptive guardian, that is a guardian who responses well to a child's needs and understands the child's behaviors. A securely-attached child responded easily with the comforting of the guardian. Securely attached children are more likely to be comfortable being close with others, depending on them and do not have abandonment issues. Insecure-Avoidant An avoidant child reacts the opposite of securely-attached child. The child is not disturbed by the fact that the guardian is gone, and being left with a stranger. Instead of being anxious, the child continues to explore the room until the guardian is back; the child is unaffected by the guardian's return. An avoidant child does not feel comfortable being close to others and this would mirror back in the child's personality in the future adult's life. Insecure-Anxious An insecure-anxious or ambivalent child seeks comfort from the guardian but at the same time 'punished' the guardian for putting the child in an unlikely situation. The ambivalent child takes a longer time to be comforted. This type of early attachment may develop as an adult with need in extremely close relationship. Adult Attachment In a flourishing relationship, a person with the secure early attachment is more likely to flourish well in a relationship with another person. Other researches indicates that with an insecure attachment during a child's early stages of development the later result in adulthood includes relationship problems, emotional disorders and conduct problem . Adults with securely attached childhood are reported to have relatively positive perceptions of their early family relationships. Meanwhile, an avoidant person is most likely to report childhood separation from their mother and to express mistrust of others, while anxious-ambivalent adults are less likely than avoidant to see their father as supportive, and they reported a lack of independence and a desire for deep commitment in relationships . The study by Feeney and Noller indicates that there are close correlation of the early attachment style to romantic relationship of an adult. An insecure-attached adult are more prone to feel insecure in their relationship; feeling abandoned or lacking of the need to be close. Components of a flourishing relationship There are several key components in a long-lasting relationship that by lacking of one of them could reappear as an obstacle, or issues in length of time a relationship lives. Not all relationships are made to perfection, since there are so many ways to ruin it, and so little ways to keep it in good shape. Note that all of these components are a process, and most of it takes time and attention to learn, because somehow, learning by mistakes can only be applied so many times in a single relationship. Mostly, adults with securely attached childhood have better experience in their relationships and have no problem in adapting to honesty, sensitivity, gratitude, empathy, trust, passion, and commitment, while partners with insecure attachment might find some obstacles to adapt certain traits that are not comfortable with. Honesty Truthfulness and openness does not define a relationship, but it sure does matter in the survival of a relationship, especially when the relationship gets closer, and longer, being transparent and truthful matters even more than a relationship that is not as strongly attached. However, openness can be harsh; candor, brutal; frankness, inconsiderate, whereas an intimate encounter cannot be brutal, harsh or inconsiderate. The revealer must have the recipient in mind; that is, must have either communicative or interest sensitivity. A trusting environment enables one to share thoughts, reactions, fantasies which, once voiced, may enable the revealer to discover as yet uncovered truths about oneself.. Honesty in this context is safer to apply on being truthful about oneself and not try to negatively criticize the other party. 'Selective sharing' of information more of the recommended way to portray honesty without giving out every thoughts and memories embedded in the cerebral that does not benefit the relationship. Sensitivity Being sensitive while communicating is called for in a relationship because a communication that is lacking in sensitivity may cause anger on the other party. This point is very much related to honesty, as much as a person wants to be honest towards the other person, there is a fine line between honesty and being insensitive. A part of being sensitive is knowing when and how to communicate in a delicate manner. However, after some time in a strong-structured relationship (especially marriage) with deep trust and understanding, throwing blunt criticisms and lack of sensitivity does not harm the relationship anymore.. On the other hand, being too sensitive towards criticisms and comments may push the barrier between two people even further. Consequently, the relationship gets worse rather than getting better. With gentleness and sensitivity, come respect. However, little effort has been made to define or measure ' Respect ' even many researchers mentioned that respect is indeed one of the factors contributing to relationship success . Respect can make or break a relationship; however many relationship suffers from lack of respect. Unlike sensitivity, respect must be gained, and before gaining respect from others, one must respect oneself first. Gratitude Gratitude is said to be the parent of all virtues; not only gratitude has a positive emotional impact on daily live even without applying to the context of relationship; it seems that having an immense amount of gratitude towards the other person in a relationship shows positive improvement in relationships as well. As a virtue, gratitude is described as a disposition to feel and express thankfulness across situations and over time, and to do so appropriately . Not only gratitude is needed in maintaining an established relationship; gratitude may initiate a relationship-building cycle between recipient and benefactor . In this context, gratitude functions as a relationship promoter or maintainer. Several studies have shown that relationships with higher capacity of gratitude are happier and survive better in conflicts. A distinguishing characteristic of couples with deep gratitude is the indebtedness that the benefiting partner feels to the other. They believe they cannot fully repay the debt, but attempt to compensate in some other way or even hope to do something to repay their partner later. By acknowledging each others' sacrifices and expressing gratefulness for it, the a relationship is kept at balance . However, this emotion affects differently to people according to their early attachment styles. Avoidant individuals can be expected to react with less gratitude to others’ generous behavior. They tend not to believe in others’ goodwill and do not wish to depend on or be supported by them . After all, expressing gratuity toward a relationship partner are often interpreted as a sign of closeness, which is incongruent with an avoidant person’s preference for emotional distance . Empathy Empathy is the core emotion that envelopes understanding, where empathy is defined as an emotional response to the perceived plight of another person; it involves the ability to match another person's emotion , hence empathy may effect a relationship in many difference ways. There are varieties of components that could be tapped into using empathy; it lays out pathways to reach human emotion, and since a relationship is built on emotion, these all seven components of a flourishing relationship depends on how well one can relate one's emotion to another. One of the many important contributors to a flourishing relationship is tolerance. Tolerance is essential in a relationship to avoid frustration on the one side, hence weakening the bond between partners. A relationship which partners cannot tolerate with each other is one without an effective communication. For this reason empathic approach such as ‘role taking’ (or ‘perspective taking’) is regularly applied to initiate toleration between partners. Since it is agreeable to the fact that empathy can be considered a multidimensional phenomenon that encompasses both cognitive and affective elements , one is more likely to be more empathic towards a partner in a relationship (a known person) comparing to a stranger. In that account, one is also easier to be empathic towards a person that one could relate to (i.e same experiences) because the empathic approach could be channeled effortlessly. Trust Trust is the foundation of all relationships, as without trust, the base of relationship is not there. This could be seen as partners’ reciprocated trust more than self-disclosure that is sharing information that enables people to understand oneself. Trust could be defined as the depth of integrity one expects to receive from another. Another integral of trust that is accountable in close relationship is dependability. Trusting partners expects themselves to be able to depend on another partner to a certain level; and failure in meeting the expectations means the dependability of a partner is severed. The partner usual expectations to be honest, benevolent, or sincere are crucial for assessing the growth of a relationship. In the Dyadic Trust Scale Study, dyadic trust scale was to be associated with characteristics of relationship intimacy such as love, self-disclosure, and commitment. And since trust is, in part, an attribution of benevolence directed toward the attributer, the partner's benevolence should influence the first person's trust . Furthermore, trust is seemed to be the prerequisite for commitment, as the higher level of commitment would need a substantially higher level of trust. Nevertheless, trust violations ruptures a relationship with higher level of trust more than one with less trust can. This result is also applied to the level of dependability, commitment, and expectations. As trust and commitment builds, the same goes to the setting bar for expected actions. Passion Passion alone does not make a strong pillar for a relationship but a strong, happy and flourishing relationship is a passionate relationship. Generally the word passion depicts infatuation or an intense sexual arousal between romantic partners. However, passion describes all these and usually involving high-intensity emotions. Passion is one of the three components in the well-known Triangular Theory of Love. In his context, the passion component refers to the experience of arousal and sexual desire, notwithstanding the broader perspective; it could also involve non-sexual desires. A man can be a passionate father, where his relationship with his child does not feature any sexual means; it involves intense moods ranging from ecstasy to anguish. In common early stages of romantic relationships, passion (or more specifically infatuation) is striking, where the element of intimacy has not yet developed as much as a matured relationship. Consequently the excitement fades in time, and so does the passionate feelings. Commitment Commitment is willingness to carry out the responsibilities that comes along with the relationship. Not all kinds of relationships demand commitment, but established and sophisticated relationship requires some level of commitment. As commitment is one of the biggest differences between dating and marriage, the word commitment itself conveys a heavy meaning to it that not everyone admits to be ready for such engagement. Commitment-inspired acts such as accommodation and willingness to sacrifice provide diagnostic information regarding a partner's pro-relationship motives. Individuals come to trust their partners when they perceive that their partners have enacted pro-relationship behaviors, departing from their direct self-interest for the good of the relationship . Like is the case of gratitude, subjects with ambivalent early attachment may feel more of the need to be committed to, while avoidant subjects may feel uncomfortable with commitment as it requires trust and understanding; which are again incongruent to the preference an avoidant partner that does not appreciate closeness in relationship. A study has shown that commitment is correlational to investment and satisfaction (Rusbult, 1980). The fact that a relationship promises a fruitful outcome in the future (i.e. happier, richer, or merrier) may encourage a partner to invest time, money and attention. Hence the commitment level of a subject towards the relationship is demonstrated in the amount of investment made . Living through Flourished Connections Everyone seeks happiness through success and in the end, they want to be able to share the joy with another person or all that achievements are as meaningless as without recognition. The homo sapiens are naturally social creatures, thus the need to connect and create close relationships are always there. Healthy relationships not only benefits people by feeding their social needs; the interactions are proven to improve mental and physical health as social interactions can provide satisfaction, release stress, and elevate happiness. See Also
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