Ashens and the Quest for the Gamechild

Ashens and The Quest for the GameChild is a 2013 British comedy film directed and co-written by Riyad Barmania. It stars co-writer Stuart Ashen and Dan Tomlinson, and is loosely based around Ashen's YouTube videos. It was released on the 8th of August 2013 and is available to watch free on YouTube.
The film was part-funded via the Crowdfunding website Indiegogo. Its campaign began on March 5, 2013 and reached a final total of $73,690 by its close on April 7, 2013.
Plot
After a failed attempt at purchasing a Q-Mutt 17 (a Digi-Dog rip off) at the hands of his arch rival, Nemesis (Chris Kendall), Stuart Ashens (Stuart Ashen) begins to take matters into his own hands. The next day, Stuart meets up with an old school friend, Geoffrey Excellence (Dan Tomlinson), and gives him refuge after he finds out that Geoff was fired from his job as Chef Excellence, and left without a home. When they arrive back at the house, Geoff accidentally reveals a hidden room, filled with the pointless and useless items Stuart had collected over the years. The main exhibit, however, is an empty container labeled, "The GameChild." It turns out that the GameChild was a rip off of the newly released Gameboy, only released in limited quantities. While trying to purchase the last one, Stuart was beaten to the chase by Nemesis, leading to Stuart's endless journey to find one. Stuart denies any action on finding it, until the dream he has that night specifically tells him otherwise.
The next day, Stuart reluctantly allows Geoff to join him on the quest, leaving his old partner Richard (Richard Sandling), due to his incompetence and lack of presence during their old escapades. Using this to his advantage, Richard breaks into Stuart's house and begins to throw a party. Meanwhile, Stuart and Geoff head to a pub, where Stuart meets his old college Professor (Robert Llewellyn), who Stuart has held a grudge against for sleeping with his old girlfriend. The Professor tells him that he needs to find the Oracle, and hands him a sheet of paper with the letters ABADGH written on them. After that, the two head to a caf, where Geoff proceeds to tell the story on how he discovered what toxic chemicals were going to into the food he served and got fired on the spot, being replaced by Chef Brilliance (Sule Rimi). There, Stuart gets an anonymous text message saying, "The answer is more obvious than you think." It turns out the Oracle is an old commodore computer from the early 80's. This gives Stuart the idea to go to the local library.
On the way there, the duo are chased by Nemesis and his gang, but manage to get away. They reach the library, which is run by Stuart's old partner Marian (Kerry Gilbert). She reluctantly gives them access to the room which hold the Oracle. It turns out the room which hold the Oracle is locked, and the only thing that can unlock it is a piano in the middle of the room. Stuart blindly plays a few notes, which causes the floor behind them to collapse. Stuart realizes that the letters on the paper the Professor handed to him are actually piano key notes, and manages to unlock the door. Marian walks in right as the two are arguing over who will unlock the Oracle, and she forces them to let her join on the quest, much to the enjoyment of Geoff. Stuart unlocks the Oracle, which shows a low quality 8-bit map with no specific location. As the three get ready to leave, Stuart uses the time she goes to gather her stuff to ditch the library and onto a bus with Geoff. Meanwhile, an irate Marian is kidnapped by Nemesis and an unspecified female counterpart.
Stuart and Geoff head to a local mental warden, where they use a fake ID card to enter. There, they talk to Guru Larry (Larry Bundy Jr.), who reveals that the picture on the map is a location called Sadonion. The security guards discover the fake ID card, and Stuart and Geoff escape. However, Geoff is pulled back by Nemesis, and is shortly set free, shaken and depressed. Right as they're about to leave, they are interrupted by the Silver Skull (Ryan Livermore), who Stuart has inadvertently pocket dialed throughout the day. The Silver Skull leads them to Sadonion. He goes on a brief mission to find The Guide (PJ Liguori) and collapses. Asking Stuart to unmask him, it turns out the Silver Skull was Warwick Davis the entire time. The Silver Skull recovers and sends Stuart and Geoff with The Guide.
After a long and perilous journey, the trio finally reach a building which contains the GameChild. During this, The Guide is killed by an electric fence, which shorts it out. Stuart and Geoff make it into the building, and they retrieve the GameChild, only to be arrested. At the jailhouse, it turns out Nemesis had given Geoff his job back, only on the condition that he call the police when they retrieved the GameChild. It also turns out that Nemesis' female counterpart is Stuart's old girlfriend Ashley (Millie Reeves), who had slept with the Professor. They release Geoff, and Stuart is released shortly afterwards. Stuart is then picked up by Knighthood and Decoy (a cameo from a show also produced by Channel Flip). They drive him over to Nemesis' headquarters, where it turns out that Geoff tricked the enemy into thinking he was on their side.
The duo manage to get into the headquarters (after a failed attempt dressed as Storm Troopers), and Geoff distracts an angry Chef Brilliance. Stuarts knocks out Nemesis and finds Marian tied up and held at gunpoint by Ashley. She reveals to him that the GameChild is a mini nuclear weapon, and makes Stuart try to unlock it. Meanwhile, Geoff and Chef Brilliance engage in wrestling, and Geoff manages to trick Brilliance, giving him a moment of attack. Nemesis gains consciousness, only to be kicked in the genitals by Stuart. Stuart manages to unlock the GameChild, only to throw it down a fleet of stairs, where it gets destroyed and explodes. Marian, who has been secretly cutting herself free, manages to knock out Ashley just as she aimed to fire at Stuart. Ashley and Nemesis are arrested, and Stuart reluctantly throws a cliche party. Geoff has become an internet sensation, and Stuart and Marian finally share a dance after many years.
In a post-credits scene, Nemesis is clobbered in his jail cell, and Ashley has been transferred to the mental hospital from before.
Cast
* Stuart Ashen as Ashens
* Richard Sandling as Richard
* Mawaan Rizwan as Iqbal / Mother Iqbal
* Chris Kendall as Nemesis
* Dan Tomlinson as Chef Geoffrey Excellence
* Ryan Livermore as The Silver Skull
* Robert Llewellyn as The Professor
* Sule Rimi as Chef Brilliance
* Kerry Gilbert as Marian
* Millie Reeves as Ashley
* PJ Liguori as The Guide
* Tom Webster as Creepy Guy
* Larry Bundy Jr as Guru Larry
* Warwick Davis as Himself/ The Silver Skull unmasked
* Christopher Bingham as Spoonboy
Music
The soundtrack for the film was composed by BAFTA nominated musician Simon Boswell and his son Jack. The theme song "Ashens is your name" was written and performed by Harry and Holly Partridge, the children of singer / songwriter and XTC frontman Andy Partridge.

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See Also

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