The Vasectomy Song

The Vasectomy Song is a musical number sung in the traditional barbershop quartet style, from the episode Sibling Rivalry from the FOX animated series Family Guy.

Setup:

After a pregnancy test scare, Peter suggests that Lois gets her tubes tied. She then suggests that Peter gets a vasectomy. When he says he doesn't know what that is, Brian explains to Peter that it's the male equivalent of getting your tubes tied, except it's less invasive and much simpler. He then says, "Here, let these guys explain it:" at which point the same barbershop quartet from The Cleveland-Loretta Quagmire come into the room and start to sing accapella:

A vasectomy's a medical procedure

One that makes you half a man (you're half a man)

Remember when you twisted up your garden hose

Well essentially that is the plan (that is the plan)

Peter says that he's starting to get the idea, but how's it done?

Music starts and the quartet continues singing:

First you make a small incision in the scrotal skin
Isolate the vas and then (isolate the vas and then you)

Hold it in position with a towel clamp

Then you snip the fibrous tissue (Then you snip the fibrous tissue)

Hey but you'll never have to wear a condom

When you do it with your wife

Or anyone else you do it with, we promise not to tell
Like that new hot chick at work

You know the one who always has hi-beams under her ribbed white cotton t-shirt

But then stares daggers at you for checking her out

And it's like, why do you wear that if you don't want attention

But you know you shouldn't think that way because of the sexual harassment meeting you all had to go to

Seriously, how lame was that?

And you couldn't help but notice that the female lawyer running the seminar had a huge rack

Like, ridiculously huge for someone who has to talk about that kind of stuff

Well I guess that's the definition of the word, irony

(Goodbye) Say goodbye to manhood

(Goodbye) Say goodbye to babies

(Goodbye) Say goodbye to kids like Meg (Vacuum out your sac)

* In the spring of 2007, a men's octet from University of California was shown performing this song live on Youtube.

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