Social Work in the Relationship Education Movement

Social Work and the History of Relationship Education Efforts
The effectiveness of social work and broader social services efforts in addressing the special needs of individuals and groups can be assessed in two ways:
1) Are the methods and techniques used in assisting disenfranchised individuals and groups suitably efficacious in promoting and allowing a physically and emotionally healthy life?
2) Are social work and broader social service efforts to promote public and private social welfare policies meeting high standards?
Family problems contribute in so many ways to larger, society-wide problems, lending importance to strict standards of evaluation. The growth, complexity, and severity of these problems may require new methods and means. Past approaches appear to be far from universally effective and well-known.
Overwhelming evidence from all countries indicates that incarceration rates, poverty rates, infant mortality rates, domestic abuse rates, rates of academic incompletion, unwed (and especially teen-aged) pregnancy rates, and numerous other negative socially dysfunctional markers are statistically tied to inadequate or absent parents (and dysfunctional parenting methods). Two biological parents are far more likely to fulfill a lifelong commitment to their children than any other parenting arrangement. Parenting in the early 2000s is often addressed without both biological parents. Yet, noting the value of both the mother and father working together for the welfare of their children is assumed, by those unwilling to study the benefits, to disrespect the efforts of single parents.
The recent growth of single parenthood (40% of births in 2009 in the U.S. are to unmarried mothers) has not come from an increase in the death rate of mothers and fathers. Rather, it has come from a drop in the marriage rate while the birth rate has remained steady. Co-habitation has been climbing and the divorce rate has remained steady, as well. Simply, more children are living in homes without the social, financial, and emotionally rounded benefits that their biological mother and father can jointly bring to them.
Western societies have attempted to remedy the financial hardships for single parent families through more aggressive child support enforcement. The success of this effort is limited by the need for the mother and father to financially maintain two household constellations instead of just one.
It is easily noted that research or the compilation and organization of healthy family building and maintenance information has been mostly absent from social science course work and practice. Typical textbooks offer very few entries on marriage or means to promote healthy parenting with the mother and father team working together for the benefit of children. This dearth is surprising, since useful relationship skills generalize across family types and have application in employment and other community relationships, too. Since a healthy, functioning biological family is normative and optimal, under most circumstances, what are the elements and practices needed to promote their development?
The Idea of Relationship Education and Development of Relationship Resources
An informal organization of relationship education began in the USA in the late 1970s. A diverse group of professionals noted that the outcomes from traditional marriage therapy resulted in no appreciable reduction in the elevated rate of divorce and out-of-wedlock births.
The motivation for relationship education was found in observations of the elevated rates of marital and family breakdown, school drop-outs, incarceration, drug addiction, unemployment, and other negative social factors when either or both divorce or out-of-wedlock pregnancy were noted. In all negative categories mentioned above, statistical over-representation of adults whose childhood did not involve both of their parents was present.
One of the first comprehensive relationship education classes was developed in a semester-long course for graduate students in the counseling program at American University in Washington, D.C. in 1977. Like several Another notable relationship education program was initiated in the same period at the University of Denver. A variety of research and programs which described themselves as relationship education subsequently formed conferences or coalitions. Specific membership group qualifications were not identified as the basic philosophies employed were not specific to any one profession or group, but were seen to be of value more broadly in social service venues.
Health and Human Services (and the Coalition for Marriage, Family, and Couples Education)
By the late 1990s, the coalition, including social workers, psychiatrists, psychologists, clergy, counselors and others interested in couple and family health had been formed to hold a national conference to prepare a basis for reform. They meet annually in the early summer in a major U.S. city. Customarily there are 2,500 participants, often from as many as 25 foreign countries. The conference serves as both a training vehicle (various cerifications are offered) and as a general, public information sharing of marriage and family relationship research.
Initial planning for the field of relationship education involved the participation of psychologists, counselors, social workers, marriage and family therapists, psychiatrists, clergy from various faith traditions, policy makers, academicians in the fields of social science, attorneys, judges, and lay persons. The goal was to seek the broadest possible dispersal of research and marriage education skills courses which could improve interpersonal relationship functioning, especially with married and pre-marital couples.
By 2006, the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services began funding significant multi-year demonstration projects through the Administration for Children and Families to expand the availability of marriage education classes in more than 100 communities nationwide. This project, known as the "Healthy Marriage Initiative," is designed to improve the well-being of children by providing tools and education to strengthen marriages and families. More information is available online. Oklahoma was among the first to adopt a statewide marital initiative. Relationship education classes are now available in every Oklahoma county and are offered to incarcerated persons preparing for return to community life. They are using PREP (University of Denver) materials at this time.
Basic Principles and Practices
* all men and all women can learn improved means and methods of relating to each other;
*all men and all women can learn to manage inevitable differences much better and can accept and plan for the numerous incompatibilities which are inevitable in all relationships;
*there is likely to be far more satisfaction from learning to play complementary roles well than from perpetually nursing the desire for that ideal and perfectly compatible individual;
*humorous responses and the ability to develop and select light-hearted interpretations of lifes inevitable awkwardnesses are of great value in aborting downward emotional spirals (interpretations where blaming the other person can cause great harm);
*great couples and failed (failing) couples have disagreements in identical areas but creating the proper environment to honor the right to differences without perpetually allowing them to rise to the level of conflict is the key behavioral difference, and this can be learned;
*more communication or communication, alone, is never the exclusive answer to a problem situation, but respectful exchange of ideas while noting the preferences of the other thus showing concern and respect for them (including the validation of their importance) is valuable and essential. Building a connection is the goal—not a word count increase;
*to personalize (blame the other) in your difficulties is almost always the wrong thing to do as very few "man mistakes" or "woman mistakes" are exclusive to your personal circumstances (dramatically high percentages of other couples have had your same, exact battles and the ones who accepted this fact graciously and worked to resolve them amicably remain together, in love);
*there is great value in accepting the influence of the other graciously--and in offering one's own influence gracefully and gently;
*keep the ratio of positive over negative comments overwhelming, in the nature of at least 10:1, while remembering that any negative response or outburst is likely to be remembered far longer;
*in tense moments, "soft starts" to any potentially conflicted conversational exchange is mandatory;
*always seek healing tones and methods and never give resentment a foothold (allow for human foibles and errors when observing the “mistakes” of others and remember that you are daily and perpetually seeking to build a loving and caring home life);
*it is essential to recognize difficulty as early as possible--and to tread lightly until the very best moment arrives to address a matter (note that far less than all items need to be addressed--time will allow most potential squabbles to disappear on their own--dying of unimportance in the larger context of the active cultivation of a longer term, enduring love);
*every couple can benefit from the active pursuit of fun and friendship (obviously, this takes special effort while caring for small children);
*recreational companionship should be cultivated and recreational compatibility should be pursued;
*nearly every woman will respond well to the direct promotion of her emotional safety and comfort;
*nearly every man will respond favorably to positive note or validation of his efforts or contributions;
*it is always valuable to choose warmth over grumpiness in responding to lifes annoyances;
*the identification and the elimination of as many bad habits as possible can begin immediately;
*the identification of and the practice and repetition of as many good habits as possible can begin immediately;
*the near universal practice of assigning a mental illness diagnosis to persons experiencing relationship distress is quite likely to be iatrogenic. Boisvert, C., & Faust, D. (2002). Iatrogenic symptoms in psychotherapy: A theoretical exploration of the potential impact of labels, language, and belief systems. American Journal of Psychotherapy, 56, 244-259. ;
*there are many positive and romantic ideas and habits to cultivate--and to not seek them, to not learn them, and to not practice them is to risk missing some of life's greatest pleasures and enjoyments;
*there is great value in scripting, practicing, and faking improved expressions of new knowledge, methods and facts (this is the routine in all new learning—bicycling to bread-making, to being the best spouse that you can be);
*researching what others want, desire, appreciate and enjoy is essential. Know that what is of high importance to your spouse may be of lesser importance to you. Accommodate these preferences to the highest degree that you can—fully expecting that numerous day-to-day preferences and desires of men and women are likely to be different. Harley, Willard in His Needs, Her Needs;
*women may be more likely to reveal their annoyances regarding a variety of domestic concerns but they can learn that some of their standards may be beyond a man's interests and negotiate accordingly;
*men may not be fully sensitive to a woman's domestic standards but can learn higher levels of respect and participation, thus displaying concern for fairness in the promotion and maintenance of complementary and loving home life;
*repair mechanisms must be prepared and used regularly, before significant deteriorations can be observed. All repairs involve softened tones and absolutely no harsh words or presentations. If you cannot stage an optimal recovery initially, arrange for a break until you can review essential principles and return to attempt a loving recovery—a repair. Gottman, John in Seven Principles;
*exposing children and youth to these basic principles is compatible with the majority of socialization fundamentals in numerous religions and societies.

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