Loving Female Authority

Loving Female Authority (LFA) is a belief system and way of life which combines elements of feminist sociological theories and philosophies with Dominance and submission (or "D/s") sexual practices that are rooted in a BDSM type of Female dominance (or "FemDom") emphasis.

The author Elise Sutton coined the phrase "Loving Female Authority" as a broad term for FemDom lifestyles which does not have a narrow focus on sexuality, and avoids negative connotations associated with "Female Supremacist". Women and their submissive male partners who believe in "Loving Female Authority" often do have strong beliefs in a supposed natural superiority of the female gender.

Men with submissive desires will sometimes use the terminology "Loving Female Authority" when trying to introduce their female partners to the Female Domination lifestyle, has more conventional and less out-of-the-mainstream connotations than the terms FemDom, D&S or BDSM. By emphasizing the word "Loving", the male is conveying to his female partner that, while he has a desire to be sexually dominated, he is still seeking a loving, caring and intimate relationship.

Origin

The terminology Loving Female Authority originated with notable FemDom author Elise Sutton. In her book Female Domination: An exploration of the male desire for Loving Female Authority, Sutton states:

"The submissive male desires to be dominated and disciplined by a woman. Most men long for this inside, and spend a good portion of their lives searching for this void to be filled within them. Once they experience the strong yet loving hand of a dominant female whom they trust and love, it fulfills them and it brings to them tranquility and contentment. What many of these men are searching for is not merely an alternative form of sexuality but rather loving female authority... Female Domination is important because while it is a desire that primarily expresses itself in a man’s sexuality, it reflects the core desire within the male gender. It is that male desire for loving female authority that ultimately empowers women, one relationship at a time."

Female-Led Relationships
Paige Harrison, a Chicago-based author coined the term Female-Led in 2004, and has begun to advance this terminology to describe her approach to an intentional relationship lifestyle model of how many men and women desire to live together. According to Harrison, Female-Led is an approach which seeks a broader definition of romance by recognizing that many males want to express their male submissive sexuality by living within a healthy and mutually-satisfying relationship that is based upon male submission to a female. A Female-Led relationship should meet the needs of both the male and female. The submissive male has strong desires to fulfill the needs of a woman. The man serving a woman and dedicating himself to the woman's experience of pleasure and satisfaction is one of the important ingredients to binding couples closer together in a relationship that is Female-Led.

Around Her Finger
The term "Around Her Finger" marriage is often used interchangeably with female-led or wife-led marriage. This is based on the writing of Emily and Ken Addison who published a website and series of books extolling the advantages of loving female authority in traditional marriages. While most websites focus on advanced LFA topics, the Around Her Finger site focuses on how submissive husbands can introduce their otherwise vanilla wives to this relationship dynamic. The growth of female-led marriages is often termed the "Around Her Finger" movement.

More than any other author so far, the Addisons describe the female-led relationship in the terms calculated to be the most appealing to ordinary women.

Because for the entire history of the female-domination scene, males interested in being dominated have vastly outnumbered females interested in dominating, one would think that appealing to the woman who finds herself in a relationship with a man with submissive tendencies or submissive fantasies would have been tried long ago; yet, before the Addisons, no one seems to have done so, or if they have they have proven much less skilled at communication and persuasion than the Addisons have.

Most previous attempts to make this kind of relationship appeal to women rely heavily on feminist sociological theory. The Addisons in contrast emphasize practical benefits that appeal to ordinary women. In fact, several conservative women are on record as saying that the female-led relationship has proved appealing to them.

In other words, the "Around Her Finger" materials explain the female-led relationship by describing what it appeals to women, and it postpones the discussion of the quasi-sexual strategies and behaviors that the woman will probably have to learn and to practice periodically to keep her male emotionally invested and motivated to keep on performing the helpful, attentive, romantic, cooperative, pliable, unargumentative behaviors that usually hold the most attraction to the woman.

The process by which the materials exert most of their influence is as follows: a man with submissive tendencies courts and wins a woman in the usual way, and they enter into a vanilla relationship. At some point, usually many years later, the man refers the woman to the "Around Her Finger" materials as part of an attempt to induce the woman to turn the relationship into a female-led one. This is usually the first the woman learns of her man's desire for this sort of change. The woman usually considers the suggestion a little weird, but is willing to see where it leads. Of course there are other reactions but this is the reaction that tends to lead to significant changes in the relationship.

In the years before to the publication of _Around Her Finger_ (originally as a book), people started spreading the idea that a sexually frustrated man is easier to control. Once this idea is understood by the woman, it often becomes mostly or completely unnecessary for the woman to engage in the overtly sexual behaviors involving leather clothing, collars, leashes, bondage, whips, fetishes, or such that in the past have been a large part of the means by which a submissive male is maintained in a mental state in which he cares deeply about pleasing his mate, which is usually the factor that keeps the woman interested in continuing the female-led relationship.

Keeping a man sexually frustrated usually entails making sure he does not masturbate without the explicit permission of the woman.

In addition to being sexually frustrated, it helps if the man is kept sexually stimulated by such things as caresses, nips, pats, images of the dominant woman, and the voice of the dominant woman. The voice can be inflected with seductive qualities. In other words, the woman flirts and teases the man.

Some have advanced the theory that it is particularly important that the male stops masturbating because when men masturbate they have a strong tendency to fantasize about a wide variety of woman and sexual acts and images. According to this theory, restricting the man's fantasy life as much as practical to the dominant female greatly helps to maintain the male in a state of intense submissive feelings towards the female.

The theory goes on to state that fantasies without masturbation are much less vivid, compelling and memorable than the same fantasies entertained while masturbating.

One implication is that male masturbation is not harmful to the submissive-man dynamic if the woman always decides when or if the masturbation happens and the woman is present during the masturbation, which will tend to keep the man's fantasies focused on her. Some dominant woman require their man to repeat their name continuously during the man's orgasm, as an additional way to ensure that the man's fantasies remain focused on her.

To summarize the techniques, the Addisons advise the woman to use to keep the man interested and excited about the submissive dynamic are as follows:

* the woman should regularly contrive or arrange a situation that demonstrates in concrete unequivocal emotionally-significant ways the woman's dominance. eg, insist that he perform some favor even if he feels tired or cranky.

* the woman should control when the man orgasms and the images and acts that go through the man's mind when that happens.

* between orgasms she should flirt with and tease the man.

Other web sites describe a wealth of other strategies in great
detail.

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See Also

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