Cthulhianism is a parody religion, Cthulhu is the main cthulhian deity. Cthulhianism developed in Russia and is recognized mainly by young people from ex-USSR states.
Cthulhianism is described by the "followers" as a "totalitarian man-hating religion, a branch of most zealous and lush Cthulhu worshipers, who adore the Holy Truths, revealed by the Great Old One himself".
History and developments
Beliefs
Main Idea
Cthulhians believe that Cthulhu is about to wake up and "gluttonize all of us".
The Holy Truths of Cthulhianism
The Holy Truths are believed to be revealed by Cthulhu himself.
# The majority of prior religions and cults are boring. # Prior cults and religions have been discredited by odious stuff like inquisitions, slaughters, massacres, fraud, backstairs politics networking, intolerance, etc. # Prior cults and religions promise some goodness, and when shit happens the believers feel disappointed. # Prior cults and religions are too complex and full of needless information. # Prior cults and religions are traditionally attached to a certain spatial area. # Prior cults and religions specify the believers' private life which is highly irritating.
Cthulhianism Excellence
Cthulhians argue that Cthulhianism is a perfect religion.
# Cthulhianism is emancipated of traditional religions' defects. # Cthulhianism is based on an iconic writer's works. # Cthulhianism is massively comforting, cause all the injustice and hardships are insignificant, while Cthulhu will gluttonize all of us. # Cthulhianism is unifying. All the wars and conflicts are not worthy, no matter who win or lose, cause Cthulhu will gluttonize all of us. # Cthulhianism is democratic, open to all races, nations and social groups, cause Cthulhu will gluttonize all of us.
Cthulhianism Criticism
Cthulhianism is playfully criticized by competing religions, mainly by Russian Pastafarians (the worshipers of Flying Spaghetti Monster) and Russian followers of Spherical Horse In Void Space parody religion.
Russian Pastafarians are "skeptical" about the idea of Cthulhu "gluttonizing all of us", the foundation of the "criticism" are "the five doubts":
# What if he doesn't gluttonize? # What if he just doesn't gluttonize all of us? # What if we are to be gluttonized by someone else, not Cthulhu? # Is it fair, that Cthulhu himself won't be gluttonized? # What if Cthulhu is gluttonized by someone else, even before he wakes up?
Cthulhians hit critics with an "undeniable argument": "Cthulhu will gluttonize all of us"!
Exercising Cthulhianism
There're special religious practices adopted by the cthulhians.
# Sacrificing. Each cultist should accomplish ceremonial gluttonizing at least once in a month. Therefore something tasty should be eaten, afterwards "gluttonized in the name of Cthulhu" message is vocalized aloud. # Benefaction. Each believer who lost, spent, spared or got deprived of one's property in any other way should consider this a contribution to Cthulhu personally. Of that friends should be notified by: "Cthulhu has gluttonized my ...".
What is this nonsense about the Cthulhu parody religion originating in Russia? LOL It's completely American! It began as the Campus Crusade For Cthulhu, which is still around by the way.
